Why do i feel so guilty???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2013
Why do i feel so guilty???
7
Sat, 05-11-2013 - 12:27pm

Hi, New to this site.....

My partner and i have just split up after 5 years, the past two have been a struggle. We live seperatly and he often stayed at mine dyring the week, but as the months have become he stayed once or twice a week, we never went out anywere, hardly spoke when he came round, which sometimes was for an hour. He says he is tired all the time, frm work. In the end i ended it as i thought this isnt goin anywere its been the same for the past two years, so why do i feel so guilty ending this relationship???? I always say theres only so many times you can try, this time i have had enough, am i wrong???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2011
Tue, 06-04-2013 - 1:34pm
  • move on  and stop thinking about what you did!
  • focus in the future ahead.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2013
Sat, 05-18-2013 - 6:32pm

Hi,     sorry it took long to get back to ur reply, i forgot my details lol... but thank you for your advice. I,m goin to enjoy myself i think i diserve it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 05-15-2013 - 11:28am

If you do something wrong, you should feel guilty!  What did you do wrong?  You ended a relationship that wasn't working for you.  He was gone more than he was there....and for all you know, it might not have been work that made him so tired!  So, whatever the reason, you gave him two years of your life, it wasn't working for you, and you ended it.  You had to end it for your own self respect and sanity.  There is nothing to feel guilty about.  Just don't allow him back in your life, or be tempted to try again.  It's not worth it. 

Now you're afraid of throwing yourself at the first man who comes along?  What you have to do is to spend some time alone, getting to know yourself again, because for the last few years, you were concentrating on a bad relationship instead of on yourself and your self respect, and your own needs.  It will take you a few months to get back to normal, and use that time to decide what you want in life and in a relationship.  Then when you meet someone new, if they can't or won't give you what you need, then you end the relationship quickly, or as soon as you realize he's not "for you".  It is NOT necessary to have a man in your life constantly.  You need some time off to get to know yourself again.  Good Luck to you.......there are lots of good men out there, you just have to keep looking till you find one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2013
Sat, 05-11-2013 - 8:08pm

Ty so much for your advice....  Soul searching i havent done one before i wouldnt know were to start... I,m worried that i will throw myself and the nearest man that shows me the slightest bit of affection...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 05-11-2013 - 2:54pm

Hi;

I think relationships need to keep being re-invented and both people need to give and take and do some work on it.. If not I believe the relationship dies.. I guess your ex just didnt want to work on it anymore due issues in his life.. Its so unfortunate for the other person .. You may have given too much in the relationship.

I once lived with a guy who for awhile was okay.. We went out and had some fun and were intimate. Fast forward into a few years he stopped going out and did not want anymore physical relationship.. Since we had no ties nor were  married I just packed up and left .. I  then started to unravel and explore myself and look into much soul searching.. Maybe you would like to do that and as to not get into the same situation again.. We are not all cut out to be with the same SO .. things end and we move on.

Good Luck.. It will hurt and sting but you are most likely better off..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2013
Sat, 05-11-2013 - 1:54pm

Ty v much for ur reply. I,m sure in time i will get there. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Sat, 05-11-2013 - 1:18pm
No, you are not wrong. There is a reason why its called ' breaking up is hard to do ' :) . It was dying slowly , you just speeded it up, which is better .The same time can be used to heal.