Why do I still think about him eventhough I dont want him back

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Why do I still think about him eventhough I dont want him back
5
Fri, 12-31-2010 - 5:58am

Its 4:45am and I cant sleep. I guess I need to vent. I dont want my ex back...but why do I continue to think about him all the time still? Its been only 18 days since I started the NC...at first I hated him and just wanted him to suffer......now ...I sure as hell dont like him anymore...but its like deep down I can feel a soft spot where I know im suppose to hate him but i cant..and I dont know why I feel that way. maybe its because we were first loves, I dont know....I dont trust him anymore thats for sure...Im just so sick of thinking about him...since I have did the NC thing he has "contacted' me 3 times..via facebook. the third time counts because he had commented on my pic from someone else page and the notification was sent to me. the other two times he sent me messages with smiley faces. I didnt respond to any of them. Im like didnt I tell you that I hated you? And to leave me alone? What the hell? You got your mature, established new girlfriend and your mature established life now go on with that happy life and leave me alone....Im just tired of thinking about him. I resent him. I know I need to forgive him but i feel like resenting him helps because it keeps me from going back andit reminds me of what I went through and how I got this way. I was never the angry person...I was alway happy. Nowadays...I just dont care...the holidays do not matter to me...nothing....I mean Im trying to move on with my life....trying to find my career job despite this crap economy, trying to better myself in the best way I can....but I feel empty. Im angry that he seems happy and I am not...i want to bash his face in.... maybe i do still hate him...who knows...all i know is that if I would have known love and relationships were so difficult I wouldnt have even dated him back in 2004....too much stress...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

I think you need to cut yourself a little slack. Barely two and a half weeks into NC, and he's contacting you still - I think it's perfectly reasonable to think about him a lot. You can't simply sever yourself from your feelings immediately, you're still processing the stages of grief that people usually go through after a relationship ends. I know you are sick of thinking about him... I know it sounds cliche but it helps to have things to do and people around to distract you from thinking about him. If blocking him on facebook would help then I think you should do that. He's trying to get a rise out of you.

You dated for a long time and he was your first love. That is difficult to get over. I'm so glad that you know you don't want him back - Unfortunately, getting your emotions to let go of him is something that can't be forced but it will fade out after the hole he left in your life closes up on its own. All you have to do is keep living.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009

Do you think it will help me to stop thinking about him quicker if I got into another relationship?...Im like trying to do whatever I can.....sigh

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009

Even if the next relationship doesnt work...I just want him out of my system...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Do you really want to use someone in order to get over your ex? How would you feel if a man did that to you? A new relationship is a band-aid for the normal pain of a breakup... I once had a string of relationships that happened because I didn't want to feel alone and I didn't want to feel the hurt of a breakup. I wish I could do it over again and give myself time to heal on my own without thinking another relationship would do that for me. No I wouldn't suggest rebounding into another relationship to avoid this pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009

You are right.....I guess since he did the same thing and is now happy I felt like it could work for me....but its not ethical...and I know better than to even be thinking like this....Thank you..its just so hard...but this is part of life...