WHY DO MEN COME AND GO (please answer)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
WHY DO MEN COME AND GO (please answer)
2
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 5:09pm
Hi im new to this board and would like some insight onto why my bf of 3 years and i cant seem to stay together. In the past 3 years we have broken up 3 times and we dont even say were breaking up we just get in a fight and stop talking and he doesn't try to contact me until 2 months later EVERYTIME, anyways its getting really old and its almost been 2 months and i know he will contact but i dont want to get in his trap again. I mean is he just playing games, does he miss me at all or think about me. I really dont understand and would like some insight from men on why he does this. Everytime im finally getting over him he contacts me and i dont know why he leaves anyways...when were together he always wants to spend time with me (every night) and is very possesive (wont let me go out with my friends) and he wont go out with me...even talks about marrying me all the tima. and im not the affectionate type and to be honest when were together im kinda mean to him, but i still dont understand why he does this to me, is it because im mean to him or is it because he doesn't want to be with me? I would like some thoughts onto why he acts like this when were not together (does he care at all) thankyou for any answers.
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 5:42pm
The simple answer is because you allow it.

I personally wouldn't stand for that kind of behavior and it sounds to me like you're pretty sick of it yourself. So instead of trying to figure out why he does it just refuse to accept that behavior in your life. (Because it could be for any of a million reasons including a traumatic childhood, abandonment issues, intimacy issues, abusive childhood, stupidity, etc.). Knowing the reason isn't going to help you stop him from doing it I don't think. Your refusing to accept it will stop it, but it will probably mean that you'll lose him.

The only way you can stop this behavior is by no longer allowing it. When he comes back next time you may want to say to him that you want to be in a healthy relationship and being left one a year for several months isn't your idea of a healthy relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:24pm
Welcome to the board!!

I can't speak for men...since I'm not one but it sounds like he goes away like this....does whatever and whoever he wants and then comes back because he knows you'll take him back. I'm sorry but this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.....I mean he won't even let you hang out with your friends or go out with you himself?? I don't think that's fair to you or your friends. If you really don't want to fall in that trap again....cut all contact. Block his number from your phone or change your number and make it unlisted. If he has keys to your house, change the locks...block his email addy and remove him from your buddy lists on IM and put him on ignore. If he somehow shows up or something tell him you have no desire to talk to him and end it there. If he gets to out of hand don't think twice about a restraining order. Good luck and keep us posted!!! We're here if you need us!!

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