Why do people disapprove of ex friendshp
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Why do people disapprove of ex friendshp
| Thu, 11-22-2007 - 12:12pm |
Time and time again, I've seen people here advise others NOT to stay friends with their ex, even if the ex wants it, or BOTH parties want it. Why is it such a bad idea to stay friends with an ex?

In my experience it never worked out.
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Yes, I do agree, staying friends with an ex can be real torture, but sometimes it's hard to let go of a failed relationship, or a relationship that has broken up. Sometimes, all there is left is a friendship.
Sometimes, it is best to let go too, but letting go hurts so damn bad, esp since one has to give up the hope of ever being with the other person again.
Hi dutchess2041,
It's not about disapproving of a friendship with an ex.
The more one thinks about it, I can say this, it is very hard to get to a point where you can be happy for an ex when they've moved on and found a new relationship. Maybe that's why it is so hard to be friends with an ex.
I really was just asking the question and seeing people's opinions on it. Since I see that most people on the boards here really do NOT advocate people staying friends with an ex. People say to go NC and then maybe in the end, you WON'T want to be friends with your ex.
That could be true too.
Sometimes it is better NOT to be friends with the ex, it is defiintely a lot more painful when you do stay friends or have hope.
But not being friends also means you are truly saying "good-bye" to the relationship and moving on, and that is painful, for human nature is a hopeful one.
Wish there was a middle ground to it.
I think this idea is completely dependent on your definition of friendship.
I hope that I can be friends with my ex someday. I know it won't be anytime in the near future since I still love him, and I know I have to get over him before we can be friends.
Interesting thread, especially since I'm living the ups and downs of the post-relationship friendship even as we speak ;)
I wrote one or two posts on being friends with exes, and I wrote them from a combination of stories I've read on the boards, and also from my experience with my last ex-boyfriend. He's secretly kind of the bar as far as post-breakup conduct that I not-so-subconsciously hold all the exes of all the posters to ;) Reason for that is because after some of the shocking and heartbreaking stories I've read, I know I was very lucky indeed that he was/is as considerate and respectful of me and our relationship as he has been.
For me to say, "No, never be friends with an ex," would be hypocritical since I am quite good friends with my last ex, and generic acquaintances with a few others. What Carrie and I suggest on the board is that it's best not to try that right after the breakup, it's too hard to just flip from one to the ohter, even if the relationship fizzled out long before the breakup happened. Everyone thinks they can be or want to be the ones who can pull it off right way. I've yet to see that happen. I adamantly advise not to seek friendship at any time with any ex who was abusive, and strongly suggest against being friends with one who either lied or cheated.
Both parties may honestly, deeply, wholeheartedly *want* to be friends, but because of feelings, unprocessed emotions, *new* emotions cropping up because of the friendship, unfinished business, a physical attraction that lies just under the suface, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseum..... it's not always such a good idea or sometimes even feasible.