why do they do this?
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| Wed, 11-17-2004 - 12:29pm |
i have a question regarding my breakup of almost 2 months ago....and we only dated 3 months...
it came out of the blue after a fantastic weekend and i was shocked but i am healing and moving on nicely.....i thought...
then last week i find out from a mutual friend that he had an old girlfriend as a houseguest a couple of weekends ago...this is a girl that he told me he was "just friends" with when we were dating......so i naturally assume that he dumped me to be with her. so then that brings up all the old feelings
yesterday i get an email from him....asking my how i liked the concert last night.....well i did go to a concert but did not see him....evidently he saw me with my friends and called out to me but i did not hear him....so then he emails me again and gets very chatty about the concert and how great it was....so i just emailed him back and basically said yes it was great and have a nice week.....end of emails
my question is why after nearly 2 months of not seeing him would he email me like this...is it because that was the first time he had seen me since the break up....
why do they always pop back into your life when you are just about over them....what does he want from me.
i do not have the ablitly to block him from my email account so that will not work....
it would be so much easier to move on if he would just leave me alone....

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Remember what's been said before...if a guy does that (pushes things) in the first couple months, it's a red flag. Learn from this experience and keep that firmly in mind for the next one. I once read a piece of advice on these boards that I think is something worth considering, although I don't agree with it 100%. It was something like, "don't believe anything that's said in the first 3 months". While I wouldn't go to that extreme, I do believe that you have to take everything that's said early on with a HUGE grain of salt.
Sheri
As far as him contacting you, he may have had a multitude of reasons, men are not clones of each other so what may prompt one to do something would be a different reason for another. The bottom line is that yes he needs to leave you alone, I would just simply not respond to him (I know, easier said than done) but he will get the hint and hopefully will not contact you again. Maybe I am lucky, my ex hasn't attempted (and I'm 100% sure) will not contact me, it does make it easier though.
These commitment-phobe guys pursue aggressively in the beginning as we've discussed, unfortunately you were caught in the deceit that he was trying to convince himself was reality. Who knows what is going on with him now but be thankful you aren't the woman who has to deal with it.
Finally, as much as being hurt by someone does indeed hurt, it is simply a risk we have to take if you want to live life. Although you should be cautious with your heart in the beginning, do not let this man's action dictate your future relationships, all guys are not jerks and even good guys will hurt and dissapoint us at times. We are all in a sense emotionally based and living life emotionally is a part of who we are, to try and turn that off is shutting down a big part of ourselves. So, go into the next relationship with a little bit of caution (as we all should) but don't start building up walls or become cynical to the possibility of love, there is no guaranteed path to not being hurt or dissapointed, you just have to try and try again :)
But, you're contradicting yourself.
You're saying that you were dating - getting to know him...intelligently you said if we're sexual we're exclusive (that doesn't mean attached, involved).....and then he started to "push".
Push for what...nobody can push you where you're not willing to go without violence or a weapon.
I think he just said the word "future" or relationship or something...and instantly it went from "we're not just dating and getting to know one another and having sex because we both like physical gratification".......he wasn't "pushing" except that you "fell".
He could have pushed nad pushed and pushed....had you not fallen, it wouldn't have mattered.
Basically...the 'easiest route of least expenditure and effort" is the default of any situation where there is a disparity in pursuit. It is easier to "not attach" - require them to live up to your standards,you live within your own boundaries - you assess their character, let them see the "real you" - continue on with your life...than it is to restructure and reconfigure.
Did HE restructure his life...did he stop any of his pursuits...probably not. He just said something along the lines of "we might work out" - and instantly it had an entirely different "meaning" to you than "we're just dating, getting to know one another and having sex".
But he didn't "do" anything that indicated he wanted to include you in fundamental and vital ways, taht he realized his requirement to compromise and change his life and lifestyle to some degree.
So waht you actally got attached to - wasn't anything you had...just what you assumed would come forth.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
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