why do we do this to ourselves?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
why do we do this to ourselves?
13
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 9:56pm
I am very new to this message board and in reading all of the posts, I keep thinking to myself...WHY DO WE CONTINUE TO DO THIS TO OURSELVES? honestly....total honesty right here, right now.
i love my ex, i love him with ALL my heart even though i know that our relationship is toxic, even though he will never be the man I fell in love with, even though he does not want the same things as me, and even though he keeps telling me the same thing over and over "we aren't good together right now but maybe in a few months" Hello!!!! we were together for four years...how is now any worse than it was a few days ago...and I know that I am right there with all of you, the broken hearted, the lonely hearted, the ones that want answers to all that is left questioning...WHY?!?!?!
Why do we do this to ourselves when we know, even though we do NOT want to admit it, that life on the other side could be so much better if we just LET GO...and I know that letting go means that all of our dreams and hopes are left as a writing in the sand, but what about finding other hopes and dreams? we could do that if we just let go of what didn't work out. So why do we hang on? That is all I have been asking myself the past couple days, because even though i know there is something better out there waiting for me, maybe tomorrow or maybe five years from now, why do we hang onto relationships that make us question our self worth? Haven't we, as women, come further than that, than making a relationship with a man that has issues, validate ourselves?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 11:33am
i disagree, to an extent. i don't think the guys are on the same rollercoaster. i think a more accurate analogy is that they're on a merry-go-round. i really don't think they experience the same "highs" and "lows", i think they just see it as a cyclical process that they either can't do much about, don't want to much about, or view us as being the ones who are putting ourselves in the position of doing anything about it (ie. being so intent on "fixing" or "figuring him out" or "putting up with" or whatever). so, if a guy calls, maybe he wants you back on the merry-go-round (and why wouldn't he, depending on just how much you've dealt with and yet still professed feelings for him). the point is that WE BOTH have to get OFF of our respective amusement park rides and instead get ON (with) our "real" lives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 11:41am
Good point! I agree!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:03pm
I totally agree with you. I have no idea why I do it to myself! Me and this guy whom I am totally in love with are not together but are still having a intimate relationship. He's telling me I need to learn to separate the two, sex and friendship. He still wants to have a friendship, i don't know if I can! I know I need to pull away. But how? I just want him in my life!! I have alot of friends to keep me busy, but I just want to be around him. The intimacy is great while it lasts, but then I go home and all the feelings start back. What should I do to make it go away?

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