Why does he keep hurting me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Why does he keep hurting me?
11
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 9:46am
we agreed not to talk till june first, then yesterday he called to please have me tell my mom happy mothers day, then he went on to say how much he misses me and how much he loves me! He asked me have i met anyone? and i told him no i'm not looking and simply put i'm not interested in anyone else! so, i asked him and you? he said he's hung out with some girls, he's taken some numbers, and given his number out but he hasn't kissed anyone or had sex with anyone. And that he wasn't going to. Why would he tell me all those things? If this break was to make himself a better man then why is he hanging out with random women to feel wanted when i tell him how much i want him? why does he keep hurting me? so i called him back up and told him come june first nothings going to change, he's just going to tell me he needs more time and the heartbreak is still going to be there, so i told him there is no june first anymore! was i wrong for doing that? and why am i still feeling so sad and depressed? he said his intentions are not to look for anyone else, he's got to focus on number one (him), i just felt like his intentions were very clear because those girls aren't going to know that he doesn't want anyting!i hope i did the right thing! please any advice would be greatly appreciated right now! Thank you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 10:36am

BRAVO, chica!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 1:32pm
at times i feel like i did the right thing then the next i felt like i made the biggest mistake of my life! We talked briefly and he said, he just wants to be 24 and have some fun without feeling like he's going to get in trouble with me. He said he's not out there looking, he said it's not something that he needs right now. He needs to focus on himself, make himself a better man! he told me that he's been to dependent on me, and he needs this time to get his life together, and stop depending on me. I told him that when he said that he was out there getting/giving numbers and hanging out with other girls his intentions were made very clear. He kept telling me that he's not out there chasing skirts, and to please believe him and trust him, have a faith in him! and he'll see/talk to me on the first. i'm confused as ever, i don't know anymore, what is he trying to do? when he called to wish my mom a happy mothers day, he wished me one too! i was pregnant in september but had an eptopic pregnancy so i lost my baby! when he mentioned that my heart just sank to my stomach. Does he still love me, care about me? if he does then why is he out there doing what he's doing to make himself feel wanted when i tell him that i want him!what should i do? he's telling me to trust him and have faith in him that he wants to get his sh** straight! then why is he out there giving/getting numbers and hanging out with random girls. Then turn around and tell me how much he misses me, and loves me, misses my lips and the way i smell? Is he really sincere about wanting to change and getting his life together and have faith in him that he's not going to be doing anything with any other girl?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 2:12pm

I think he told you all you need to know when he said he just wants to be 24 and have some fun.

I wouldn't hold your breath that things are going to be fine and dandy on June 1, if I were you. You need to prepare yourself for him to say exactly what you are anticipating...that he needs more time, doesn't know what he wants, blah, blah, blah. It's up to you to give him the month anyway, because that's what he's asked for, or decide to break up now and ask him to call you ONLY if and when he decides he's 100% ready to commit to you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 2:23pm

I understand what you are going through. My boyfriend of 4.5 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago, because he is trying to figure out what to do with his life, etc...

I have since stopped calling him and am giving him his space. this is what you need to do. Stop calling and if he calls you don't answer. Let him leave a message. The only way he is ever going to want to have a relationship with you again is if you move on, then he will realize what he lost and want it back.

If you do move on, you may realize that you don't ever want to be with him again.

Men are crazy when they think they are too young for serious commitments, even though they love the person they are with, they just aren't ready.

Move on, have fun, but never lose hope and faith that if it is meant to be it will be.

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 2:59pm

The simple answer to the question: Why does he keep hurting me is: because you allow it. Stop allowing it and he won't do it.

Yes, you did the right thing. Breaking up is painful. Allowing him to string you along until he's gotten a better sense of what he wants from the relationship is a sure road to pain. Cut it off now. Tell him you love him and care about him and that you will miss him and think of him fondly. Then ask him not to contact you anymore and don't contact him anymore. This is difficult, but in my experience it's the only way to end the pain.

Suffering and mournign the loss will help you to heal and get on with your life. Your life will improve once he is out of it. You will feel better eventually. With this bozo in the picture you will continue to feel sad and cry every day. You deserve better. Assert that for yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 1:19am
Should i even give him till the first of the month? i have myself nready for what he's going to tell me, you know needing more time blah blah blah! when he does do that i know in my heart that we're through and i ahve every intention of changing my number, beacuse i know that i an nto strong enough to avoid his call so i would just prevent every way that i can. i want all this hurt to go away! if you supposedly love me and care about me then why would he be doing this to me? Trust him? have faith in him? i dont' know anymore. Please Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2005
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 6:20am
i agree 110%with jamdelightful.....most of the time we let these guys continue to hurt us is because we allow it.....fool me once shame on you,fool me twice shame on me..we all been there...but there is time to finally say to ourselves...enough is enough......hang in there....be strong and allow yourself to grieve....take care.
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anonymous user
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 8:21pm

honestly heart broken i was in love with my boyfriend of two years to the point where i would have done anything for him, he asked me for a break a 3 months break i was devastated because i could not imagine myself without him he was the only boy on my mind the one i thought i would marry..and i told him ok but then when i realise that that's not what i wanted we did not talk for like 2 days then he called and said lets get back together since this break thing was not working. he needed space and i would not give it to him and a month later he broke up with me because he said that he needed space and obviously the break thing did not work cuz that's not what i wanted.

so my advice to you is that if he wants a break give it to him girl that will be the best decision you ever make for your relationship it gives them time to know that this is where they wanna be. DON'T CROWD HIM...HE WILL LEAVE...GIVE HIM HIS SPACE

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 9:25am

Absolutely agree.


And yes, the OP should get a gold star.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 5:16pm

Yes, you did the right thing. He's stringing you along, and that's unfair to you. Letting him go and moving on is the best choice for you. ((((HUGS)))) it'll get easier in time to know you did the right thing. For now, here's your gold star:


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