Why Does This Hurt?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Why Does This Hurt?
3
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 10:41pm

So I ended things with my love in late September because he wasn't sure about a future with me or if he wanted to work on it after years of marriage talk (we were together 8 years). 3 weeks after that I found out he'd been cheating and had another girlfriend whom he'd made the same promises to, we both confronted him, he was mean and nasty and we left with our things.

I began dating again and feeling better. He lived right across the street but I never saw him or talked to him since the confrontation (mid October). So today I'm off to a Dr. appt when I look at his building and notice that his things are gone. He's moved out. He must have finally bought his house he's been wanting for so long. But for some reason it hurt seeing him gone. I keep telling myself this is a good thing cause I don't have to avoid passing his building, avoid looking out for his car, maybe seeing him in traffic (we take the exact same route to work), but it still made my stomach knot up. I just hate that I still feel for him. Even worse, I had a hot date tonight with a great guy and it went fine, but I couldn't stop thinking about this.

I think part of me is sad cause this is definitely the end of an era in my life, one that I was really happy in and also cause I have no idea where he is and so I have no clue what area to avoid. I will get past this, but right now, it hurts.

A few years ago, we were best friends, we couldn't wait to get married and raise kids togehter (we had the names picked out) and we were inseparable (or so I thought). Now ere are 2 total strangers who pass each other in traffic. Now one here and the other gone. I can't wait until this no longer hurts any more.

Sorry, I'm done venting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
In reply to: cl214
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 10:56pm

I think there are some loves that we never really get over... it's not that we want them in our lives, but just seeing them or hearing about them turns something in our stomach because we were once so used to needing to care about them. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years... not because of cheating or anything like that... but I knew that we were moving in different directions. And I know that he didn't see it like that, perhaps didn't want to see it like that.

I think its alright to hurt... as long as it isn't consuming. We have new lives and learn news lessons from each relationship we experience... and there's a lot of pain... but having those feelings should actually make you feel good because you've known what it was like to truly love someone...

I don't know if that helps you at all, but it feels good to express some of the emotions I'm feeling too... Best wishes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 11:42am
Sorry...eight years is a very long time and your feelings of loss are completely normal. You are right though, his moving is actually a good thing. Interesting he left the way he did...like a thief in the night. The way he treated you and the other woman was unforgivable...lying, deceit, cheating, complete self-absorbtion regardless of the effects on you or the other woman. Better to know this now, than after marriage with children, right? You can by-pass the financially devestating legal processes and years of child custody disputes. I discovered my live-in boyfriend of 2 1/2 years cheating. I'm much better after four months, but I still have days or moods sweep over me when I least expect it and I'm a basket case again. Don't expect healing overnight. Be good to yourself, it sounds like you're making positive steps. Don't overlook the possibility of moving yourself at some point. A fresh new place in a new area might be just the thing to sweep the ghosts off your doorstep. Good luck...
Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 12:46pm

I feel your pain.







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