Why does it hurt so bad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Why does it hurt so bad?
8
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 10:16pm
I've read so many articles about break-ups from cheating bf, abusive bf, but I haven't read one about bf that were the best thing that walk into their lives.Well I'm here to talk about one. The only downfall to this relationship was that he came from a terrible marriage two yrs ago. I came from a marriage also two yrs ago. We met and were there for each other. But he wasn't trying to remarry and I understood and accepted that. The break up came from me not spending the holidays with him in particular memorial day and today. I hurting inside because he did invite me and my boys and I didn't go. Why?.. I don't have a good answer for that.. I have excuses. The fact that I didn't spend the holiday with him was just a small issue in the situation. he said that we had different views on things, we weren't on the same page as he put it.But he was always there for me, he was my knight in shining armor. he was the positive motivating force in my life. He was my inspiration, I am not just saying this because I'm hurt, it's how things were. And now he's gone. This is the hardest break up I've ever been through. all though it's been less than 12 hours, I'm feeling so bad, because going on the vacation trip with him would've helped. It would have been the quality time that we needed. And to top it all off, b/c we didn't go I went somewhere else and my son got hurt and required 4 staples in his head.
That just threw me over the edge when he broke up with me today. Like he said I went where my heart desired, and it wasn't with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 2:42am

Your post isn't very clear. You say that your bf broke up with you because you didn't spend the holidays with him? That's totally ridiculous; who weights a relationship in holidays? However, you say that he thought you both had different points of view in life....was there a middle ground for you two? Was this issue of the holiday the one that topped off the glass?

It seems that you "needed" him more than you loved him. You say that "he was my knight in shining armor. he was the positive motivating force in my life. He was my inspiration". This leads to believe that you were in some way depending too much on him and that your life revolved around his.

Is there a possibility of talking things through again and see if you can work it out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 9:15am
ccruise2001...
hmm, that's a thought that never occured to me... me depending on him, and my life revolving around his. I guess when you put it out there that may have been the case.I loved what his life was about, it was the type of life I wanted for myself, husband and kids. But to answer your question, yes, the holidays was the top of the glass, the straw that broke the camels back.He said he was tired of being dissappointed.Because for 3 holidays I wasn't with him. This is day 2, and I'm ok for the moment, but I haven't been out yet to test the waters. I would like to talk to him but I will wait till he returns from the trip. Not sure if I should contact him, or just see if he contacts me. If he doesn't then I may just let it go. Thank you for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 10:22am

I'm going to be honest with you. I would love to have a man that wanted to spend time with me and my child on the holidays. Sounds to me like you got some committment issues going on. This guy wants to be with you and you keep blowing him off for no reason. What's up with that? Either you want him or you don't. You better ask yourself this question quick because what you don't provide this man another woman will...and then how will you feel when he starts seeing someone else? Heck if you don't want him, I'll take him. What's his name and number. LOL...Just kidding. Wake up girlfriend. If you have a good man, don't let him go.

Alison

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 11:47am
chocolateslady..
girl I know what you mean,and I'm going to get my man back. I called and stated that we need to sit down to discuss this. he said ok, so I'll take that as a good thing, b/c if he really wanted it over he would have said no....I will follow up. Not going to get my hopes up but, I'm an optomistic person at times. I know he's dissappointed and I have a lot of apologizing to do. I even talked to my ex-husband about this and he even said that I need to talk to him...can you believe it?..my ex is routing for us, but he gave me a man's perspective on this and totally agreed with what my man was feeling....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 2:56pm

Good for you. Go get that man!! :-) I hope everything works out and keep us posted. I love a happy ending.

Alison

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 10:41pm
Hi Allison,
well I went to see him to discuss things. I think I'm on probation. He's been disappointed so many times, I think he's going to just see how things go. I don't blame him. Bottom line is he doesn't want to get married, neither do I for that matter, but he feels that I won't ever know if I remain where I am.. and that's with him. But like I said I can walk away and never meet anyone who I feel is the right one for me. So I leave from where I am, where I enjoy being to venture into the unknown and may never find. It sounds like I'm settling but whatever happens..happens.. if he's not the right one and the right one does come then I'll do what needs to be done then. But until then I'm staying put.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 8:01pm
well here's an update....
it's official...I'm single and I have to deal with what I did. The last thing I wanted was to hurt him, but I did so...now the healing has to begin. I do believe I'm all cried out.I called and told him that we needed to talk this out. We did and the whole evening was nice, but the bottom line was I didn't put effort into the relationship after all that we have been through. And the sad part is.... he's right.. when I think about it. I'm going for my degree and I need to focus on that.
chocolateslady if you want to talk I'm at fiveninenfine@msn.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 8:52am
missalex- I just sent you an email. :-)