why does it hurt so much?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
why does it hurt so much?
2
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 5:27pm

my fiance just broke up with me last night. I didn't expect it. Last sunday everything was fine and normal, he still tell me he loves me and want me to move there as soon as possible (he is in New York, while I am in LA). He calls me every night before he goes to sleep. He would call until he can reach me, he said he would be worried if he can't reach me.

As usual on Sunday, we talk on the phone for hours and he told all the plans he made for us after we married. But then all of a sudden, he stop calling me on Monday and Tuesday. I thought he just tired, so I called him on Wednesday. He didn't pick up the phone. then he finally call me last night(thursday).

He broke up with me telling me that he went to see his ex on monday because it was her birthday. And he realize that he still have feelings for her. I was shocked. It was so sudden. He asked if i am mad at him and if we could be friends. What can I say? there was no clues. I am so hurt. How could a person change so fast?! Just one night, then he realize he doesn't "love" me?! that he want to be with his ex and not me? How could he? I love him. How could he stop loving me all of a sudden, a person who he considered spending the rest of his life with.

I just don't know what should i do. should i call him to see if there are other reasons? or just let it go.

I feel so bad. it hurt to breathe. I can't close my eyes without seeing all the things we have done together or his face. I just can't stop asking myself why? I feel that if i can cry, i will feel better. But it hurt so bad that i can't cry. I wish i could just cry and forget about him. What can i do to make me feel better? how can i cry? Why does it hurt so much? Why did he change so fast?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 6:44pm
He probably felt the same way all along. I suspect that this sudden change wasn't so sudden. He must have started the relationship knowing that he wasn't over his ex but didn;t bother telling you. How well do you know your ex? Did you know he kept contact with his ex? How often? Anyhow, asking you to move there just to keep you in sight is very selfish of him. You can't be his friend now, as you love him and will have to heal BEFORE attempting to be his friend. I'd suggest that you take time for you and only you. Stop contact with him. It's your time and not his. I'm very sorry for this but you'll have to accept the fact that he's not with you now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 2:18pm

I feel so sorry for you. Keep your head up. I am in a similar situation to what you are. My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. Back in June I found out he had been cheating on me for over 2 years. I was devastated. I took him back when he finally realized he wanted me back, then I found out he was still seeing one of the women. Then he let her go. She kept telling me that he told her he loved her and of course when asked he denied it. Now he is admitting it to me. I have hurt so much. We broke up Dec. 29 and everyday I think of him. At first he said he still wanted to be friends, but we haven't spoken, I have sent him a couple of text messages, but with no reply. You stand your ground, do what your heart tells you. You can't keep being hurt by this man. I just dont understand how men can just up and change feelings. I have a personal e mail address it is cndavis909@bellsouth.net. If you ever need anyone to talk to, being that we are in the same boat feel free to email. Keep smiling and take it one day at a time. It is just amazing how many times we ask ourselves why, this is all that ever comes out of my mouth. It is so horrible.

Nikki