why does she contact me

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
why does she contact me
2
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:33pm

I am in the middle of getting a divorce and started seeing someone. I liked her alot. I thought it was best if i stopped seeing her for a little bit because i didnt want her associated with the negative aspects associated with starting a divorce. I was afraid my ex would use the relationship against me when discussing custody, and i was going through a lot of emotions with a divorce. She took it as i didnt care about us and started to see someone new, but still wanted to talk and see me. She kept saying once you are divorced we will be together. I was hurt that she could just go find someone new so fast and it was difficult talking to her and seeing her. I should have just had no contact with her for a while. I would try, but then she would call or email me and i would talk to her again.

This went on for months and it interferred with my divorce process. I started to think that i was doing the wrong thing and would not do things associated with it for awhile. Eventually, she started seeing someone new and i couldnt take it anymore and stopped talking to her for 7 weeks. She was going on with her life. She then started contacting me again and i responded.

So, recently i noticed that there was a change in her emails when she contacts me. It sounds like she really likes this new person. She no longer says we will be together. I think she is finally really moving on. But then the other day she said i miss you and think about you alot and you never know about the future and asked me when is everything finalized. I'm living in my home alone now and she said invite me over for dinner and i can help you put up christmas decorations. She said i'm always welcomed in her life and home, and that she will always be here for me. I had given up hope.

I just want to know what she wants from me. I thought she made a decision to move on. This all started over 1 year ago and i dont understand why she still wants to be in contact with me.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 3:31pm

Could be you're the back up plan in case things don't work out with the new guy. Could be that she really wants to be 'just friends' - problem is, you wanted more than that.

You need time to heal, that means No Contact. Even is she's contacting you, you have to not respond.

Good luck to you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 3:38pm

Some people just can't not be in a relationship. There are some people, like this woman you're talking about, who feel like they can never just be single. She didn't want to wait until your divorce was finalized.. she had to have someone right then. Sounds like she's impatient, and if she really thought you weren't worth the wait then, then she isn't worth your time at all.

With the way this woman is playing with your feelings, telling you one thing one day then something completely different the next, it sounds like getting together with her would be a setup for heartbreak. You can go through with it as long as you realize the risk involved with a woman like this. Maybe it will work out, but you have to be prepared for whatever happens if it doesn't.

Honestly this woman just sounds flightly and uncooperative. I obviously don't know her as well as you do, but as a woman I can sense what her motives are. And it seems like all she wants is to have a man and she'll take whichever man is easiest to get. Think about how that might affect your could-be relationship.