Why doesn't anybody get that this HURTS?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Why doesn't anybody get that this HURTS?
6
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 6:57pm
Why oh why do people expect me to be getting over this? He only broke up with me 2 weeks ago....and yet people keep expecting the "happy" Karen to be around. WHY? Why can't they just let me be sad? Is it just too much to ask? Thank god for the board, and people who don't tell me to just pick up the pieces and move on to the next thing. And please tell my why my ex feels it necessary to e-mail and tell me to focus on my masters? Does he feel guilty for making me feel like this and for knowing that I can't concentrate right now? Sorry for the anger in this post. I'm just at a loss right now....And he's e-mailed me his new phone number, "in case I ever need him". Good god, what am I supposed to do?

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 8:34pm
Hi Karen,

Sorry to hear you're hurting so much right now. It sounds like you're having a rough one today. I'm sending you much peace tonight. Have no idea where you live, but you're getting some peace sent to you from New Jersey. Make sure you let some in :)

I don't have many answers right now myself. But, I do know that people close to me are not always as supportive as I would like sometimes. I think sometimes friends/family/people you know are just sorta rapped up in their own lives and since they care for you, they do just want you to heal and move on. Perhaps it's been a long time since they've felt the kind of pain you're going through right now, so they forget how absolutely horrid it can feel. The truth is: They do want you to be happy. But there's nothing wrong with you getting frustrated with them. I'm proud that you're letting yourself feel your way through this process; that you're not putting on "happy" Karen. That means you're being honest with yourself. That takes guts and a ton of strength.

As for him sending his number, my ex used to the same thing. We broke up one other time before this one and he sent me his number and a short note about how he would always be there for me. PUKE! I think guys have a hard time reaching out when they're emotionally struggling, so they send stupid messages like the one he sent you. Now is not the time for him to be sending these. But you know you cannot control/change him :) Oh, if it were that easy :)

Here's a link to a web site that has helped me. It lists the stages. It's not the best, but seeing it laid out has really helped me and reminded me of how crappy I'm allowed to feel sometimes.

http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap6/chap6l.htm

I'm glad you posted and shared your feelings. Hope you're getting some of the peace I'm sending on...Take good care. I'll be thinking about you.

Katie

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 9:14pm
Hi Katie,

In in Prince Edward Island, Canada (up the coast from you). Thanks for the positive feelings....I'm a bit more calm. Mornings are so hard. I just need to get out of bed and out of the apartment a little quicker in the morning, I think!! Again, thanks.

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 9:37pm
(((Karen))) I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't think people "expect" you to be over it but hate to see you sad and therefore wanting to cheer you up. I know it might be hard, but I think maybe you should tell Angus not to e-mail you anymore and that if you want to talk, you'll contact him. It's just a suggestion though. I wish you the best and we're here for you!!
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 11:31am
Oh my god! Karen, your ex and mine must have gone to the same 'lack of humanity' classes! My ex pulled the same crap... he told me that now was the time for me to focus on myself, and he encouraged me to buy a house or condo of my own.. then he congratulated me when his sister (who I still talk to) told him I got a raise/promo at work. He sent me warm wished when I went to Cali for a week last month for vacation, and birthday greetings in the form of an email that read: "Have a great Birthday, you deserve it!"...After 3 years, I got an email that said I deserve to have a great birthday!? I'm so glad he gave me permission! How nice of him. I think that email did me in to be honest. I blocked his address on all my email accounts, deleted his number from my phones, and put away anything and everything that reminded me of him. I found out he bought at car from my mechanic, and instead of buying the car I wanted from the same mechanic, to not risk the chance of seeing my ex there for service, I am going to buy a car from a dealer. It's just better for me that way.

As for the people that are expecting you to be over him, tell them to kiss off, but do it nicely. They probably just want you to get over him quick because they think he's not worth your time and energy (I have to agree from what you've written about the situation). You will know when you are ready to get going again. I cried in front of my friends 4 weeks after the breakup, because it was the 1 month anniversary! My friends all looked at me like I was nuts, and then they all softened and reminded me of how far I had gotten in a month... .they were right. Sept 8th will be 4 months since the breakup. 4 months already! I didnt think I would last 1 month, and now here I am 4 months later. Give yourself time, and dont put pressure on yourself that others have gotten over it sooner, and you havent. This is about you, not me or them.

Take it easy...

Di
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 4:09pm
Once again, thanks Di. If you ever wanna chat off board, my e-mail is kmjohnson21@hotmail.com. You can reach me on MSN too.

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 1:51am
1) Block his e-mail. Don't give him the opportunity to feel like a good guy while simultaneously stabbing you in the back. He's just re-opening your wounds.

2) Grieve. Just like a funeral, you're expected to cry for a period of time for the good memories. Cry long and hard, knowing this is normal.

3) Try to gradually work in more positive pursuits. Education, Career, Hobbies, Friends, Family.

4) The pain does subside, although more slowly than we would like. Life will go on after the death of a relationship...often for the better.

Going through it myself, down to crying about an hour a day instead of all day.

Wishing you a quick recovery,