why is he still messing with me???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
why is he still messing with me???
14
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 8:47pm

I just got back from a week long holiday...but the day before i left, i got a message from my ex...these were his exact words :- "Sorry to disturb you..Just wanna say i miss you..It seems ridiculous and stupid but i cannot explain it though. I hope you are well..have a safe trip and enjoy lots"

What in the world was he thinking??He was the one who said that he can't give me all his love and all that crap..and a week later he sends me a message to confuse the hell out of me and it's playing on my emotions again...

I didn't reply him or anything..i mean..what does he expect me to say? that i miss him too? that i wish we could get back together?? C'mon...i'm still so hurt over his actions and i don't want him to play me out like before again...

I really don't know what he wants..it's been more than a week since his message..and i just saw him at the gym yesterday (we go to the same place) but i just ignored him..

I'm not big enough to be friends with someone who broke my heart in a million pieces...and i'm still a huge mess (we broke up 2 1/2 weeks ago)..and even if i wanna try to be friends...thoughts of us as a couple is still too strong and i won't even know where to begin to being friends...

I don't know how to get over him..i'm trying so hard to be happy again..but at times, i still break down. I was so totally in love with him, and i guess i still am..even after what he has done to me..cheating and lying behind my back..i just wish i never met him..my life would have been so much simplier and so much happier.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 9:12pm
You seem to be a very smart person in realizing that he is not the one for you. It is great you can realize that a liar and a cheater is not boyfriend material. It's also great you can realize that someone who hurt you so badly doesn't deserve your friendship. But don't wish you never met him. I'm sure you had some good times. Just see the relationship as a learning experience. Take what you learned and use your wisdom it in your subsequent relationships.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 9:14pm

I see GUILT ALLEVIATION written all over that text message. He's either trying to make himself feel better with "Oh I'll send her a nice message so she wont' think I'm such a bastard, and therefore I don't have to feel so guilty"

For future messages, just delete them. Change your gym time. Change gyms.

There's no rule that says you need to be his friend. I'm not a fan of this being a "big". I think it's just setting yourself up for failure at this stage. Concentrate on ME ME ME, and forget being "BIG".

He's only messing with you because you let him. Erase him, and you erase the mess. My ex used to stick his 'fabulous single life activities' into his MSN name alll the time. Drove me mad until the day I deleted him off my list. Perhaps he's still doing it, I wouldn't know. In the same way, your ex may send you text messages, but nobody says you need to read them.

cheers
Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 1:15am

Welcome back

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 4:08am

thanks for your reply..i know that there were good times...but now whatever that we shared before all seems like it was a huge lie. That it didn't really happen..know what i mean?
So when i reflect back..it makes me miss him more. So i'd rather just not think about it and trying my hardest to forget it..i know it takes time to heal...but damn..it seems like a lifetime before i can really move on again..

>hugz<

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 11:03am
OMG! I know exactly how you are feeling. It's been 2 1/2 weeks for me too and it's still killing me! My ex is also sending weird messages that are confusing and upsetting me! After one week he called me while I was out of town b/c he missed me and wanted to hear my voice. Then two days later he's telling me that he doesn't want to talk b/c it makes him miss me and missing me clouds his head. He will also text me after watching a tv show that we always watch together to tell me he watched it and then adds a sad face. Monday morning he sent a text that just had my name followed by ..... WTF? What did that mean? Just like your ex he is the one who left me. He is the one who said he needed space. Why are they contacting us???? I am having a really really hard time with this and I miss him terribly and him contacting me hurts so bad. I have not responded either and it's so hard not to. I'm sorry you are having to go through this too! It's not fun! Stay strong and things will get better!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 10:28pm

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement! It means so much that someone knows exactly what I’m feeling and going through..guys just suck. Plain and simple. They can’t seem to make up their minds and while we know what we want..they just keep confusing us with their stupid messages and giving us hope that maybe they will come to their senses and realize they can’t live without us…haha..fat hope.

But I totally agree with you when you say that you miss him and it hurts like hell when he contacts you…I feel the same. Its hard to go through…but I’m taking it a day at a time..i do have my low points..but I try my best to get through it with the help of my friends and by pouring it all out here 

Lets show them what they are missing! And that they made the biggest mistake of their lives when they walked away!!

>hugzzzzz<

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 9:38am
You're welcome! It's good that we have a place to go to vent where other women are going through the same thing. I have decided that I am DONE with him and keeping any kind of hope alive. It's time for me to move on and live my life. If at some time he does come to his sences and is able to give me some grand gesture I might consider talking to him. But until that happens I am going to live my life. Stay strong and feel free to vent anytime. I know I'm going to need to! : )
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:49am
Oh don't get me wrong. I'm trying to be strong but trust me the pain is very raw still. He sent me long email yesterday FINALLY explaining why he left and needed this space/time. It did help me understand a littl bit better what he has been going through and he told me he loved me more than anything, his heart hurts and he wants nothing more than to come sit on my couch, watch tv and eat our favoite dinner together (we use to have so much fun doing that every night) But the email still didn't give me an answers to what happens next. There was no grand gesture letting me know what he really wants. It just confuses me further. I think it would be easier if he had left because he didn't love me anymore. But to still say he wants me but wont do anything about it hurts so bad. I miss him more than I have ever missed anyone ever. I'm not going to respond because honestly there isn't anything to say. This is so hard!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:57am

That is the worst!! When your guy says he loves you so much and wants nothing more than to be with you. But then WHY THE HECK ARE YOU NOT WITH ME???!!! If his heart hurts then why not make it better and BE with the person you love??!!

It's like if WE loved someone so much and we were going through our problems, I feel like we would make it work because relationships are important and you WANT to be with someone you love!

It's so frustrating when they tell you they love you, but I guess they don't love enough to try to work for it. I'm going through the same thing. And I realized I can't keep on being strung on. It IS confusing.

And there's nothing you can do. Except do nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 10:15am
Yes I know! I'm just at my wits end with this whole situation. I have decided to do nothing because I can't keep going back and forth with him and never getting anything back. It throws me into a relaps every time and I spend the next couple of days afterwards back at square one and crying. I miss and love him too much to go through it anymore.

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