why is he still messing with me???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
why is he still messing with me???
14
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 8:47pm

I just got back from a week long holiday...but the day before i left, i got a message from my ex...these were his exact words :- "Sorry to disturb you..Just wanna say i miss you..It seems ridiculous and stupid but i cannot explain it though. I hope you are well..have a safe trip and enjoy lots"

What in the world was he thinking??He was the one who said that he can't give me all his love and all that crap..and a week later he sends me a message to confuse the hell out of me and it's playing on my emotions again...

I didn't reply him or anything..i mean..what does he expect me to say? that i miss him too? that i wish we could get back together?? C'mon...i'm still so hurt over his actions and i don't want him to play me out like before again...

I really don't know what he wants..it's been more than a week since his message..and i just saw him at the gym yesterday (we go to the same place) but i just ignored him..

I'm not big enough to be friends with someone who broke my heart in a million pieces...and i'm still a huge mess (we broke up 2 1/2 weeks ago)..and even if i wanna try to be friends...thoughts of us as a couple is still too strong and i won't even know where to begin to being friends...

I don't know how to get over him..i'm trying so hard to be happy again..but at times, i still break down. I was so totally in love with him, and i guess i still am..even after what he has done to me..cheating and lying behind my back..i just wish i never met him..my life would have been so much simplier and so much happier.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 9:22pm

WOW! There must be guy protocol for break-ups! I am so glad to see that I am not the only one who is going through something like this. I too am dealing with an ex who chose to make a decision that ultimately terminated our relationship and now he won't stop with the texts. Everytime this guy texts me it sends me false hope. At first I tried to respond thinking he was coming to his senses, but got no answers I needed from him. I am now almost 3 weeks of not responding! Although every message brings those raw feelings, I am not doing anything anymore. I can't.

I just fear that I am going to get a call from him crying and telling what an idiot he knows he was in a few months when I think I've moved on and it'll all come crashing back down...

It's hard because I don't want to date again. I know I'll have to, but it's just really scary right now. I thought he was "it."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 12:47am

I'm with all you guys as well. I think you're all right, saying "I still love you" or "I'd like us to be together again someday" is almost worse than if he were to just break up because he didn't love you. Like I told my mom, it was way easier to get over it when my previous ex boyfriend cheated on me! Because that is a non-negotiable for me. But to be so vague as "I love you" but "i need space/a break, etc." will drive you utterly mad! And then I started to think of the book "He's Just Not That Into You" and in there he says that guys would rather get trampled by flaming elephants (or something like that) than to tell you they aren't into you. So maybe by saying those things, they think they are padding the hurt (and keeping themselves from getting yelled at more) when really they are making it worse?

For me, the thing that hurts the most is that just when I think things are getting better and I'm starting to heal, I have another set back. Like you guys and the texts and emails. I had some of those too in the beginning. Those have subsided more now, but I still have to interact with him regularly because I work with him! And that not only brings all the feelings of confusing and sadness and anger back, but then it also adds a new dimension of sadness because I am ONLY communicating with him on co-worker level, not a personal level. He doesn't ask how I'm doing, etc, nothing.

This has to be one of the most excruciating things I've ever had to deal with, and I would've thought I'd see a light at the tunnel by now (going on 3 mo) ...

Lisa

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 9:57am
I feel your pain! Everytime he does this to me I cry for the next couple of days afterwareds. He is mad at me now because I wouldn't take his call at my office Friday morning. He has every single day to call me but chooses to when I'm at work and can't talk. When he does text all he does is ask me questions which make me vulnerable so he gets answers to make him feel better and I get NOTHING! I'm so tired of this emotioanl rollar coaster with him. He is the one who left! I have respected the NC thing and I 'm trying to move on but the selfish SOB won't let let me. I understand I have control over my happiness but it is very hard when the person you are deeply in love with keeps contacting you but gives you no hope that he is coming back. I don't want to date either. And honestly it's probably not a good idea for me right now anyway. I am no where close to being over him yet and anyonoe new would just be rebound. I just want this to end and be happy again and not miss him anymore. Hang in there!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 10:45am

Little one, it might be time for you to take action, such as changing your phone number. You can't control what someone else does, only what you do, and you have the ability to stop or at least lessen his contact with you.

Allowing contact is still having contact--the effects are the same. That's not fair, I know, but it is what it is.

Sheri

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