Why is it so hard to end it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Why is it so hard to end it?
6
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 10:49am
I've been in a relationship with BF for four years -- we don't live together. Prior to him I was married for 16 years to a man with bi-polar disorder. Ex-H had fidelity issues, financial issues, mental health issues -- you name it. BF is hard-working, ambitious, fun, but also verbally abusive with a hot temper. Recently discovered he's had profiles on 6 different adult dating sites and he's emailed a couple of people. No follow-up on the emails. Just one email each to one person. But this whole dating site/email thing, I thought, pushed me over the edge. I know he's not good for me. My best girlfriend asked me to name two people in my life who supported me staying with him and I couldn't do it. After four years, I can count on one hand the number of times he's said "I love you" or complimented me. I've helped him with tons of his work (he is self-employed with several businesses), but he's never helped me with anything. I know this is not healthy. I know I can do better. So why can't I make the final break? What is wrong with me that I can't definitively and finally tell him that it's over?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 11:59am

Because you've been together a long time. Because change is hard. Because you don't want to admit to yourself and the world that another relationship of yours has failed. Because you don't want to be alone. Because you hope he'll change.

There are SO many reasons why it's hard to leave. If you're really having trouble making the final break, I think some short-term counseling could really help you reach your decision and stick to it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:28pm

I'm gonna go one different:

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 1:14pm
Just think Positive, relax, focus on yourself,do yoga or any form of exercise (it is said that exercise releases and eliminates stress), go dancing, and just enjoy life. When you focus on everything that you want to do then you'll know if your over him. This guy clearly dosn't deserve you, and there are plenty of men in this world you just got to wait for the right one. The reasons why You just can't call it over is because you're scared. Yes you're scared deep down that you won't find someone, and since you've been in a long relationship you scared to be alone. All these fears you have are completely healthy and normal to have. But let me tell you something when people focus, care, and love themselves they attract people.So don't give up on love, just simply give up on this guy because like i said you deserve so much more.Don't be afraid that there aren't any good guys because there are tons of good guys you just got to find out where they all hang out, and some more advice when searching for someone new open your horizons!
GOOD Luck,
Alexi
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 3:44pm
These boards are the best! Thank you all. It doesn't make it easier, but at least I feel less alone with the decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 5:00pm
I think you should get your own account on one of the sites he is on, put his perfect girl in, all the qualities he would search for and email him. When he replies, dump him! haha. I am more being silly then anything but from the sounds of your post, he sounds like kind of a creep.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 11:51am

Tigerlily --

lol -- I tried that, but didn't want to pay to subscribe, and he doesn't have any paid subscriptions so he can't access mail that he gets from people. One of the sites allowed women to email men without a paid subscription, but the men can't access the email unless they pay. Kind've a scam IMHO. On that one, I did send him an email and I saw that he was notified that (this is funny) BustU had sent him a message, but I tried to get in to see my own message (using his password) and couldn't do it. So, truly I know he's not been communicating with anyone. I tried to communicate with him on the sites and couldn't do it.

I was talking to my ex-husband about the whole thing last night -- he was nice about it. He said, from a man's perspective, it's like cyber-masturbating to have sites up with no access. He took BF's side. I suppose that shouldn't be a huge surpise.