Why is it so important to get answers?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Why is it so important to get answers?
11
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 11:11pm

I was just wondering about this as I've dealt with my own feelings and read other posts.

In my therapy session today, I worked myself into a tizzy over questions I'll never know the answers to. Was he lying to me all along? Was his goal simply to get me to fall for him? Did he really have feelings for me? Did I somehow hurt him? Why did he say he would be patient with me and then bail? Why did he call me his girlfriend and then dump me the next day? Is there someone else? Is he sorry? My therapist kept returning to the fact that he mistreated me and some relationships are just not meant to be. To keep obsessing over these questions about HIM gives him all the power and takes away from my ability to define the experience for myself and move on.

This is all true, it makes sense and I would give this advice. Yet I keep returning to those questions and wondering about him. I know ultimately the answers don't matter because for so many reasons, he's not the right guy. Is there anything healthy and normal about continually pondering these questions? How do I/we stop?

So I wonder how others approach this. Why is it so important to get those answers? Is there anyone who feels that it will actually help? Are there others who have tried to get those answers and felt/didn't feel better?

Talk some sense into me.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2005
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 1:33pm
I'd be interested in similar input. I've broken up w/my alcoholic bf for the 4th time now and am asking myself these same questions. I'm making myself crazy

Pages