why men are all like this??
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| Tue, 06-05-2007 - 8:45am |
Why there are so many emotionally unavailable men out there?!
I had a struggling relationship last year. we finally separated at the end. Then this year, another relationship started, I thought everything went well, but when we really got close to each other. BANG, I got dumped again. They are both great people, honest, nice, caring, but they don't want to commit. They both told me how great I was, but they don't want relationship. 1st guy said his life was mess, we met at a bad time, he wanted to be single craps. 2nd guy said when we got too close, he got scared, he thought he was ready, but he wasn’t.
I keep coming back reading other people's post here for a year. I found there were so many people had worse situation than me. Girls with their BF for 2 years, 3 years, 5 year, even 8 years, when "where does this going" conversation brings up or when the girls get comfortable, the guys start to freak out and pull away, even suddenly stop calling! When I am reading their stories, I could even feel the pain. How could we deal with this sudden loss, we didn't even do anything wrong! I know there are nothing wrong with us, only those guys have their problems, selfish, immature, insecure... but we are the ones have do go through the pain caused by them! We had invested so mush emotion and time on someone, but now we have to do things to get over it, grieving, no contact, acting insane among friends...
I know we all need to be strong. We are all modern ladies, have good education, good jobs, and financially independent, we don't NEED men, but we do WANT someone special in our lives and share special things together.
I have been reading some relationship books and articles posted by Sandra, I still don't understand why we have to suffer by guys' problems, when we really haven't done anything wrong and have tried best to make the relationship work!!!???
Have anyone remembered in Sex and the city the "Burger" guy
First "I think we need to take a break... I don't need to talk, I need to think. i need some distance to sort things out..."
Carrie was thinking “what? Am I some horrible job he needs to get away from?...what am i supposed to do now? Just sitting here waiting around to find out whether he chooses me?"
Then typical someone like Miranda says “why don't you take this time to think about what you want? Remember you! What you want!"
What's next, break always leads to break-up, on a post-it “I’m sorry, I can’t. Don’t hate me”.
I like Carrie’s words “people say everything happen for a reason. These people are usually women. These women are usually going through a break-up. It seems men can get out of a relationship without even goodbye. But apparently women have to either get married or learn something. Why are we in such a rush to move from confused to confusions? Do we search for lessons to lessen the pain?”
Yes, we have learned alot from all past relationships, then, what's next? Applying our knowlegde for the next one, and preparing to learn something new?
I'm not being negative. I still have my hope that someone without any issues will come along eventually, but sometimes I'm afraid it's a fragile dream.
Edited 6/5/2007 8:58 am ET by echohhh

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Finally. I've found women who can relate to my experience. And it feels good that I'm not alone in this. Like the women here, my man just upped and disappeared. Without a word. Without even a hint of hesitation from him. The last I heard from him he said, "I love you so much. I'll call you tomorrow." No call. Our situation made it a lot easier for him to do that...we're continents apart. But before I left we had the best months I ever had with a man. We hung out with all his friends and the only family he has left - his mother and sister. He drove an hour almost every day just to pick me up from work. He'd wake up at 2am on weekdays just to drive me home. He told me things about himself you normally don't share in new relationships. It was (almost) perfect. When I left, naturally, a lot of promises were made.
So now that there's a lot of distance between us, he hasn't been fulfilling those promises. He was good for a while, but lately I haven't had any calls or emails. I was devastated. I broke down. I'm STILL devastated. Can't sleep. Can't eat. Can't function normally. I keep hoping time will dull the pain, but it feels like it gets more painful with time.
After reading all these posts, I've been able to finally just breathe a sigh of relief. I'm emotionally drained. I need to pick up the pieces and face the facts. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference." I CAN'T change the outcome of the situation. I CAN change how I deal with it and I CAN choose to move forward. I keep asking myself, "WHY would he do something like this? Has he found someone else? Did he freak out?" And I realize it's an exercise in futility. Asking "WHY?" is tantamount to living in the past. It is what it is. He is what he is.
He told me he was going to come see me for his birthday (August). I'm not going to live my life looking forward to something I doubt will even happen. I'm just going to focus on myself. Maybe I should be directing all the "WHY?" questions to myself. Like: Why do I let myself be used like this? Why do I keep giving in?
It's the hardest thing ever to get over a relationshp that didn't have closure. You may think it'll be easier for me to get over him because of the distance, but it hasn't been easy at all. If he really did feel all those things he said he did, he would do all he can to preserve what we had. I've done my part. I can't do his part for him.
So thanks guys for all your posts. It was a much needed reality check. I hope people keep posting in this thread so I have something to look into when I feel like I'm slipping.
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