why obsess over a guy you can't have
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| Mon, 08-20-2007 - 5:10am |
I've been prety active in the past week on this board, I hope you guys dont mind :)
Anyhow, I have a question for all you psychologists out there.
Let's say there are two guys..and you. They both like you with the difference that you are dating one of them and the other is a friend. The one you are dating is an ok guy. you have loads of fun when with him, he's smart, funny, somewhat affectionate mostly when sex is expected. He is also cheapy, doesn't really do stuff for you, not very dependable, sex is ok but you rarely come, and, he can be pretty insensitive at times. He is far from ready to be in a very serious relationship. You have been only dating for 5 months or so.
This other guy you hang out with doesn't live in the same city but is always readily available, takes you places, never lets you pay for stuff, very generous with his $$ and time. Very affectionate and never misses a chance to make you feel special. Lastly, he recently drove 4 hrs just to get to you and then 5 hrs to take you to this cool city that you've never been to. This same city is also a hometown of your boyfriend that never invited you to visit with him.
Now let's take you..you're pretty generous, you like going places, you enjoy sex and not just giving pleasure but also receiving. Most of all, you are pretty sensitive, emotional, you notice little things and gestures. And you are in love with your boyfriend.
Now, what the heck is wrong with this picture? Why are you so much into the first guy and not the second? You know there would be no heartache with the second one and life would be pretty awesome. Are we programed to like those we can not truly have? I seriously don't understand, wish I could understand the way my brain functions...any insights?

Hi xnikolinax,
Glad you are posting and offering advice, welcome to the board and keep coming back if you can or want to.
My guess, from what you describe is that there is something in you that thinks you 'deserve' to be treated a certain way and your boyfriend fits that description.
I was thinking the exact same thing as Carrie when
:) Sandra, you are prety awesome. I think both you guys should open private practices. I'd pay much more then 5 cents for your advice.
I want to add something though... connected with the way and who we love, is also a factor of wanting what you can't/don't have. I think it's something that is in us, somewhat of a wierd instinct. Of course it's controlable but it can be pretty strong and influence every aspect of our lives. Now how do you go about fighting that? Nearly impossible to do.