Why pour your heart out now??
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| Fri, 09-03-2004 - 5:09pm |
I posted here a few days ago because I left my boyfriend of six years. We had still been living together for the past week...yes, I know. Live in the NYC area and housing is a mess. But, I had been doing really well. I ended it quickly because I felt like I had given him 800 chances/explanations over the past nine months to grow up and become an active participant in our relationship. I barely spoke to him this week and made sure when he was home that I was out. Spent time with friends. Giggled. Talked about how men are dunces. You know the coping stuff. I had been doing pretty well with anger....well, I just get an email from him about how he's been sad all week, and realizes it's time to move on. How he hopes that in the future we won't lose each other like we did in our relationship. How he doesn't want to go through thinking about me all the time to not thinking about me at all. About how he's scared for the future and no matter what direction we go, he wants us to still be friends. Ladies, anger is back..with a vengeance!!!
I know he is just opening up to me. But at this point, that is soooo not fair or wanted. He was supposed to open up to me when we were together, not apart. He was supposed to do so many things when we were together like take out the trash, pay his rent on time, pay the one bill he is in charge of on time (all of which he's been doing this week). I could pull my own hair out right now. Even as I write this I know what is happening. I know he's just as messed up and emotionally immature as he was one week ago. But, still, he needs to back off. I am not his friend right now. I am my own friend. Sorry if this sounds mean. I have given this man every chance in the world and he just doesn't have a clue. Thinks being a partner is having a mom.
Just venting, I guess :)

I hear ya!! Since my ex broke up with me, he's been more caring, more responsible...and I hate it!! Why couldn't he be like that when we were together? Maybe then we wouldn't be where we are today (ahhhh, the ol' "what if" game....gotta love it). glad to hear that you are being your own best friend these days. It doesn't sound like you are being mean at all. Vent away!!
Karen
You're totally right. The what if game is such a pain in the butt, isnt it? You start wondering... and then before you know it, you're depressed again, because you cant believe that its over.. because "It could have been so..." . What stinks is that "ITS" not. I'm beginning to think that these guys dont know what they want themselves, so they try and keep that little window of opportunity open to crawl back in case they decide they do want to be with us.
ARGH! Its frustrating!!!
Stay strong, both of you!!!
Di
And yet it still hurts. I am still sad. But I guess I have to give us all credit for having the emotionally complexity to mourn and understand, simultaneously. It doesn't seem like the boys do.
Thanks to both of you again. Seriously. You both are amazing women!
Id be lying if i said i didnt miss him, cause i do, and i still cry 2 months later. 4 years isnt easy to walk away from. I just hope i can get thru this pain to be my old self again!!!