Why women leave?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Why women leave?
5
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 10:18pm
My wife recently left after we have been together for 15 years, 6 of which we have been married. I wasnt expecting it and it has been tough, she moved out just 2 weeks ago. After talking to many people I know, I have come to the conclusion that women usually leave their husbands. I have spoken with a multitude of people I work with and friends and family and all together i have only found a couple cases where the husband left the wife after they were married and had children but I have found MANY cases where the woman left her husband. Why is this? Do you think there is a genetic/reproductive reason for this? Im not saying women are bad or anything and I realize that men stray from relationships more often than women, but they dont initiate a legal divorce nearly as much. Most of the men that I have talked to were devestated when their wives left them, many were suprised and would have liked to work things out.

My wife dropped this leaving thing on me out of the blue and she is not interested in any type of counceling or even trying to make our relationship work. We have 2 children and they deserve better than to grow up in a broken marriage.

It does seem that men are just as likely to leave their girlfriends or fiancees or maybe even more likely to leave before marriage and Im not saying all cases are like this but its obvious enough to make me notice that there is a trend.

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: furor
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 1:10pm
I'm not sure what the statistics are on who leaves whom, but you may be on to something. More importantly, how are you feeling about this? Do you have friends and family who can support you through this difficult time? Have you considered seeing a therapist to help you through this? I can't imagine being left after a 15-year relationship and with no hint that it was coming, this must be even more devastating for you. We're here to help. You might also try one of the divorce groups for people who are going through exactly what you're going through.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
In reply to: furor
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 8:16pm
As a woman who left her H, I agree with you. It does seem that way. Women leave more. Why? My personal opinion is it's because of societies views on "men who abandon their families" vs. "women who leave for a better life". The same problems are in both situations I'm sure, but when a man leaves...he's viewed as the bad guy.

Is it right? No. But I think it's true.

CFH

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: furor
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 8:37pm
I think women are more likely to DO something to fix the situation when they are in pain from a r'ship. Men are more likely to sweep problems in a r'ship under the rug or just ignore things. These are gross generalizations, of course!

My impression is that at least some women leave because they feel unappreciated and unloved, and in many cases, think that their spouses should just KNOW that there is a problem, as well as how to fix it. Or, they feel they have tried and tried to address the issues (even if they have done so indirectly), and nothing has worked, so when they finally make the decision to leave, there is just nothing left, and they are no longer interested in working on it. Part of that is resentment that it takes announcing that they are leaving to get their spouses to suggest or agree to counseling.

You might find it illuminating to read posts on the "Should I Stay or Should I Go" board.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
In reply to: furor
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 10:51am
There may be another reason why Women leave their husbands..I belive that women have larger support systems and they turn to their friends more in times of need. Maybe her friends and family have been encouraging her to leave for whatever reason. A lot of times, the friends and family only hear the bad things. Her support systems may be stong and influencing. Men do not always go to anyone for advice, they keep things inside and deal with them on their own. Which can cause problems in a relationship. Maybe she just got fed up with things she had to deal, who knows. I know this must be a difficult time for you. I hope for the best for you. Good Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: furor
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 6:28pm
I feel for you too and know how very painful this must be... my husband walked out on me in April... he moved out completely in August. It's been very, very tough... we were together 9 yrs. Our divorce will finalize on Dec 4. It's scary and hard to be forced into a position where you are starting over huh? The person who walks out makes the choice to start over... just about everything about this new situation seems scary to me... everyone tells me how strong I am being... and in some ways I suppose I am... but I feel very lonely and very scared about what comes next... I do believe that for the most part I decide my own fate again now... I hope I will be able to trust again some day. I know that there are a lot of good, kind, loving men out there... I just have to be able to trust what I see... my husband seemed to e every bit of the type of person I thought "forever" would be with... yet here I am!

I don't have any input on women leaving more than men... I would've stayed and continued trying. My stb-x decided the marriage was "boring"... sigh... yup... paying bills and yardwork IS sometimes...

take care of you... hope it gets better in time.