why won't he break up??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
why won't he break up??
9
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 2:46pm

sorry if this is in the wrong section.

ok, my 2 year relationship (of which 1 year was a long distance relationship) with my bf has recently fallen apart. i'm not entirely sure why, but it has. it's obvious that he doesn't want to be with me anymore, but he hasn't even bothered to end it- he's just ignored me for more than a month, and any time i try to talk to him or see him to talk to him (so that i can end it) he's never there! i've told him that we need to talk a million times, and he says sure and that he'll come and see me to sort something out, but he never shows up. he just won't deal with it. it's as if he just wants to leave me hanging, not knowing whether we're together or not and let the relationship fizzle out. why doesn't he break up with me already? is he just being a coward? how do i get him to face facts and act like a real man and actually talk to me, instead of him avoiding me all the time? any ideas how i should deal with this, please? because i just want to get the break up over with and move on.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 7:01pm

Welcome to the board feebee2007,


My best advice, stop calling him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 11:27pm

hmm, well, sounds like the backhanded break up. --''.

Question of course is...if you can contact him to meet, why can't you break up? Generally of course best to break up on the phone, but heck, at a pinch I'll give it to you via textmessage if you're being difficult. But if you're using the 'won't meet up' as a reason for not breaking up..well, not good.

Ideally, I agree with Carrie's statement to just stop calling. Let him suffer through a little "huh???" instead of giving him a solid break. But if it will help YOU to move on, give him a short, "We're O-V-E-R" and move on.

Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 6:07am

thank you both for your advice and welcome.
i know i should just let it die, but it bugs me not to have a solid end to the relationship. i haven't dumped him yet by text/email because i thought that would be a terrible way to do it, but since he doesn't even answer calls now, i think it's the only way i can get it over with. should i just go for it and tell him it's over by text? since even when we were happily together he rarely ever checked his email... any thoughts please?

Fi.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 9:58am

I think..it's for the best. Really. It's not for a lack of trying to do it properly. Text him. chances are he'll call you right after and you can do it in person properly. Usual advice about breaking up with a guy I guess: public place, keep it short, no explanations, no cliches, have a backup excuse to go. Don't stall.

Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 11:46am

I would leave him a voicemail rather than doing it by text, but I agree, it is up to you to pull the plug.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 5:45pm

thanks for the advice everyone!

well, i bit the bullet and sent him a text, the jist(sp?) of it being: "i can't be with someone who clearly doesn't want me in their life anymore... don't want to be hurt/treated badly anymore..etc. etc. ... goodbye."
as i said before, it's not the way i wanted to end things, but it had to be done! the weird thing was i didn't feel sad or anything when i was writing it. i just felt.. well, nothing really! is that normal?
i'm not expecting a reply or anything from him... but guess i'll just have to wait and see.

Edited 8/28/2007 6:12 pm ET by feebee2007




Edited 8/28/2007 6:13 pm ET by feebee2007

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 8:12pm

Well I guess the decision making part is over with anyways.

Honestly, I cant answer the no feel part. I didn't feel anything when I deleted 2 1/2 years of irreplaceable pictures we had together, deleted all his contacts, and threw out every last thing I had of his. I think I was numb at the time but I haven't gotten around to regetting or crying over it yet. I think it's supposed to hurt though when you do it.

Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 5:38pm

yesterday i was feeling kinda bad about the break up- maybe a bit guilty actually. i know i shouldn't have since it was his fault for the break up, but i still did. today i got to see all my friends and they totally agreed with me and let me have faith that i had made the right decision. it made me feel so much better!

has anyone else ever ended a relationship, then felt guilty about it, even though they knew it had to be done?

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 2:41am

You feel bad because you have "Dumper's Remorse".