why your friends are right

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
why your friends are right
1
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 8:25am
I've been going through lots of post-breakup pain (see "long distance breakup"). But as I've been struggling to get over my sadness, two ideas have helped me stay pretty much strong, stronger than I've ever been in a breakup, and I wanted to share them with fellow sufferers.
The first one is that the emotional pain we feel is really similar to physical injury, like a broken bone. We need to treat it like that. When you break a bone, you have to set it, wrap it up in a cast so it doesn't move, and then let it sit there, for 2 months or so while it heals. If you muck around with it, or you don't set it right, you'll have to rebreak it to set it right. If you keep doing that, you'll eventually weaken that bone forever. That's why we should seriously stay away from our ex's.
The second idea is that a relationship (or maybe it's the other person's personality) is like a drug. We've gotten used to it, we like what we get from it. A breakup is first and foremost cutting off contact, and that leaves us addicts without our drug.
I finally went through a whole day without talking to her, and last night I was seriously crazed. I didn't contact her, but wow did I want to. This morning I woke up and realized that I wasn't really missing her, I just sorta _needed_ to hear her voice. But then I realized that I just would've gone back to feeling sad, plus if I called her, she'd just be put off somehow. She was my drug, and I'm going through withdrawal symptoms. So if an addict gets their fix, that only means that the next time it hits it'll be even worse. That's why if we're being healthy, we'll only want to go through one withdrawal, and then get the heck away from the drug. After a breakup, there's just no way you're gonna be able to get the drug reliably, so the smart person quits it cold turkey.
Just a few observations.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 10:38am
interesting. coming from someone whose been going through those withdrawl symptoms for 4 mths, i never really thought about it like that-GOOD point!!!