Will this ever stop?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Will this ever stop?
1
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 11:24am

I am having such a hard time lately. One minute - I'm OK being alone, the next - I'm a total nutcase and find myself itching to call the ex.

I can't figure out if I miss HIM or if I miss having SOMEONE in my life to share things with? I saw him on Saturday - I went to his house (a big NC no-no, I know) to apologize about some things that were brought to my attention in my counseling session that morning. It was somewhat of an 'epiphany' and I felt I really needed to say I was sorry...Anyhow, we talked face to face for about 10 minutes...nothing to spectacular, but it was communication...and afterwards, I felt better. I told him I want to stick with the 60 day Hetox this time and see where we are then...he tells me that he wants me to 'make up my mind about what I am doing' - because I say "I won't contact you" then I ALWAYS DO - so I'm not even sticking to my word! Then when we said goodbye, he hugged me (and wouldn't let go) and then kissed me on the cheek. UGH... I don't know. What am I supposed to think of that? It's like he wants the 60 days to just get over the anger/frustration, or at least that's what I think...

I feel like I'm going nuts. After we spoke on Saturday, I find myself trying to make up reasons to call him (which I have successfully avoided doing, so that's good). I know that I'm probably better off without him, but it was easier when we first broke up and I thought he didn't care about me. Now, it seems that he does care, or else he would never have come to the door, knowing I was outside on his porch. Our last attempt at reconciliation didn't work, so am I nuts to think that 60 days might really make that much difference?

I have told him I want to be friends, which I do. But, I get lonely and depressed and I just want him to hold me and make me feel better - which he used to do and was very good at.

Am I totally pathetic? What can I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 11:44am
Hi, yes it eventually does stop. It just sucks for awhile. You will miss him and you will want to contact him. But its better that you don't... easier said than done right? The only way those feelings subside is if you let yourself heal and move on. Every time you do contact him, you lose any progress you made. If this means cutting off any communication, then do it. You have to have the willpower to do it though. You have to want to feel better. Start filling your life with other things. Go for a run, play with a puppy... do whatever you have to do to start that process. If you feel the need to contact him, call your friends or your parents. They are there for support. Read a book... join a club. For your own sanity, be willing to make those changes.