Will he only remember my begging ...??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Will he only remember my begging ...??
9
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 1:04am

My ex moved out on January 1st. We lived together for 3.5 years with lots of ups and downs. We are both 27. He broke up with me maybe 5 times and stayed at his moms house for about a week and would always come back after me begging him to. This time was different because we had moved to a new city. So when he left he took everything of his, quit his job and moved back in with his mom 150 miles away.

So my question is... will his last memory of me be me begging him not to leave? I was crying so much and felt like I was possessed or something. I grabbed his keys so he couldnt leave and then he threatened to call the police if I didnt give them back. Then right before he was going to walk out the door I was crying hysterically, blocking the door. Once again he threatened to call the police. I couldnt believe he could threaten that to me. Anyways, after almost a few months do you think the way he thinks about me is as a crying, begging mess? I mean, after 10 years of friendship and 3.5 of those in a relationship together, will he not forget all the good, loving memories of me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 1:19am

Marcie,

I think it's time to focus on yourself and not on what he thinks/feels. I know it's a rough time for you but you don't have control over what he will or will not remember and in the long run does it really matter? Everything is a perception, a memory, how much one remembers or chooses to remember or even how much one chooses to learn from a breakup is ultimately up to them. If you continually fret about what he will/won't remember of you, you'll always be living half of your life in his shoes. I don't mean to sound harsh but it really doesn't matter at this point. Don't be so busy worrying over what he remembers/thinks that you neglect yourself.

Best of luck,
Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 7:43pm

Here is another question I have... If everyone tells me to just let it be and if he wants me back then he'll call me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2007
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 8:34pm

With that scenario you will have to believe that if it's meant to be it will be.


Fate has a funny way of bringing people together again if its what's suppose to happen.


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 8:39pm

Well, if he broke up with you, it wouldn't make sense that he was waiting for you to call him.


But in any event, in order to avoid "what if" thoughts like this, I do my best to make sure the ex knows that I'm not going to contact him and that he should only contact me if he decides he wants to try again.


Sheri


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 9:46pm
northwestwanderer:
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 9:53pm

Welcome to the board marcie1617,


Are you sure you want him to come back? Aren't you kind of tired of the roller-coaster ride, breaking up, getting back together, leaving, moving out, etc?


Read this book: Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis - when you are done with it, then decide if you should call.





iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2008
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 3:24am

Are you sure you want this guy back? 3.5 years of that would just wear down on you, I'd think. Plus, you guys have been together a long time, but he just took all his stuff and was able to get up and go? I don't really think that sounds like someone who is truly invested in a relationship.

I don't think that'll be his last memory of you. It might still be fresh in his head right now, but moments that we felt happiest, I think, are the ones that stick with us.

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." -Confucius

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." -Confucius

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 2:50pm

yesterday at work, i read your post. which is weird cause

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 4:05pm

hi crashdoll: you're right. him leaving and coming back has worn me down alot. everytime he left i truly thought it was over. so i've been through this many times with him. thats horrible, huh? and every time he'd come back i'd welcome him with open arms and we'd just go back to normal. he never wanted to talk about our problems that caused him to leave. which is guess is why i'm in this position again. this IS different as it has already been 3 months. i can honestly say right now I dont want him back. maybe sometime in the future if its meant to be and he's grown up a little, i could be with him again.

stepheb: i'm sorry to hear you're going through the same thing. right now i'm in the state of mind that i have to work on myself and try to fulfill my goals that i never could when i was with my ex. then maybe if its meant to be... in the future we'll cross paths again. :)