Will I Ever Get Over Him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Will I Ever Get Over Him?
4
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 8:43pm
Hi! I am having a rough day. My ex and I were on and off for quite sometime, but it wasn't until recently that it felt like it was really over. Neither of us want to speak to each other and it was a pretty bad break.

I have a feeling that he is probably dating someone else. He deals with his pain/ anger by finding someone to occupy him. I am sad that he can move on so quickly, but that is his character. He may not be moving on.. just easing his pain.

I, on the other hand, cannot even think of dating someone else. Every time I do go on dates, I end up comparing them to my ex. I honestly believe that I will never get the feeling that I ad with him from anyone else again. I am happiest when I am with him.

I honestly thought I would marry this man, and although I know that this still may be an option... I am trying not to think of it. But the thing is... I don't want to get over him. I want to have hope that we will make it one day. I don't want to give up on my dreams. However, I realize that if I keep thinking like this I could just be setting myself up for more hurt.

I know we love each other. There was never a doubt if the love was there. We just had some issues.

I miss him so much. I love him so much. I cannot wait until the day where I can see and talk to him again.

Any advice as to what to do? I am a teacher, I know things will get better once school starts... but until then I have so much time to think about things. I am going to drive myself crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 11:08pm
I am in a very similar situation and I know exactly how you feel and I am so glad that I am not the only one. I thought I was crazy becuase I keep telling myself that the reason I cant move on and give up is because I dont want to. I want to be with him so why would I move on? I know that if it comes to it (we broke up but we are still trying to work on things) that I will have to force myself to move on. But I am scared because a part of me wonders if I will ever let go. What if I started dating someone and my ex wanted me back? What would I do? How can I let go so that I can honestly say I would not go back? I am a teacher too with the summer off so I know how hard it is to have all this time to think and dwell. For now you just have to let him go. Keep yourself busy. I have been going out alot more and coming to this message board when I feel I need to pass time and get my mind off MY problems. Giving others advice has been very helpful. I go for walks with my mom or just by myself to make productive use of my time. I bought some funny DVD's to watch on those rainy days. Wax the car, clean out the closets, anything to stay distracted and productive at the same time. Take it one day at a time and eventually it will get easier. I feel like my friends are getting tired of listening to me but here there is always someone who understands. Good luck and Im here to talk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 1:35am
I feel the same way right now. Me and my bf been together for 10 months. we had fun together, but he didnt give me enough of his time. When he would go with his friends he wouldnt invite me. I would speak up on it and he would try to change a little but just things he wouldnt do that are common things u do when u like someone especially love someone. I always wondered if he loved me how come he wasnt really there for me like everyone else is with their loved one. But we laughed together all the time. he was sweet when we were together. we did things with eachother we havent really done before. we couldve been good together, if he put as much effort as i did. i would ask him if maybe hes not ready for a relationship and he denied it. he always told me he is happy even if he doesnt do certain things. so why did we break up? well i always had an anger problem and it would come out more when i was unhappy. we argued over something stupid and i hung up and we didnt talk for 2 days. he always did that to me when he was mad, he wouldnt talk to me for days and i would be hurt. i wouldnt let him be hurt like that. when we tried to talk about it i blew up cuz i felt he blamed me for everything then when i asked him what he wants to do then he told me hes not ready for a gf. right now i still dont know if he planned on that break up day or if he broke up with me cuz i blew up. i just wanna talk to him and i been really depressed and down cuz i felt he was or coulda been a best friend to me if he woulda let me or himself. i feel the whole break up was a mistake. im confused tho. i feel if he couldnt give me what i needed, attention, why do i love him so much? well cuz we let the relationship go on. im so in love with him but funny thing is the only thing to do is go ahead and cry and talk to yourself. yourself is the only one who truly understands. talk about the good in him and the bad and eventually u might realize the bad is enuff for you to not be together. i too try to hold on cuz theres a big part of me that says hes the one for me, we just need to work on it and both of us need to make an effort. anyway my email address is hailmichelle@aol.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 11:22am
Tigger & Redhead,

I understand about having too much time, I am also a teacher and going through this horrible ordeal. I am at about 2 mos 3 wks...and boy does this su*k. I think that if we were working right now it would be different, we wouldn't have as much time to dwell. But hopefully this means we are really doing all the healing needed and not avoiding any of this d*mn pain.

I am struggling with wanting to get over him and not. I know I need to b/c my ex is a commitment-phobe, but on the other hand I am still thinking "what if?" There is a possibility that he will change. We dated for 3.5 yrs, he loved me, but he wanted to date other people. I love him so much. I am 33 and never thought I would find myself in this situation again. (maybe in the back of my mind I knew. He is 29 and I was his first relationship, perhaps that was a red flag.)

AARRGGHH, I am doing my best to keep busy and get over him. I wish you both luck and in about a month we will be back at school, keeping busy, and maybe wishing that we had some time off. ;) Feel free to email: svillavi@csulb.edu

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 12:42pm
that is almost what im going through. i will tell you what you have already heard and dont want to hear. move on. if he can move on that quickly, then he dosent love you. that may be how he deals with it but that is no kind of realtionship that you want. you sound like you need stability. everyone needs stability. and there is a man out there for everyone that wants exactly what we want. keep you head up - it can only get better:)