will the pain ever go away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
will the pain ever go away?
7
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 11:17pm

i had just broken up over the weekend..he tells me that he can't give me all the love that i deserve, need and want. So all the times when he said i love you or i've never felt this strongly about anyone else in my life...has been a bunch of lies.

i gave him my all. i didn't hold anything back. i found out that he messaged another girl telling her he misses her. and he even calls her what he calls me..now he has the guts to tell me to my face that he has never cheated on me.

sending me an email asking me why i'm not speaking to him. saying that i'm the one who is childish and not grown up. and he had the decency to say that i'm very selfish for blaming him and hating him now...since he has done nothing wrong.

how does he expect me to stay friends with someone who lied to my face? someone who promised me that he loves me? doesn't he know the pain that i'm going through now? the pain that i feel whenever i see his face?

well..to me he is the selfish one. he is only thinking about HIS own feelings.

i just want to be happy again. but now..i feel that i can't. my friends say forget the loser...but it is always easier said than done. i can't just switch off my love for a person like that...he could have..but that is just not me...i'm human.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 11:20pm
i feel the same way :( i cant wait until the pain goes awway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 9:52am
Yes your pain will go away, it just takes time, but time is not on your side right now. You have to go thru these emotions so you can learn from the experience. This experience will change your life indefinately and forever, and make you a new woman. It's preparing you for the man of your dreams, and you don't even know it. Just take one day at time, I promise it will go away....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 10:41am

It's 3 wks today since my ex and I decided to take the weekend and reevaluate our relationship. We regrouped and mutually decided to throw in the towel. I invited him over to break up with him, and he showed up with all my stuff - very mutual=)

The first week, my roommate was out of town and my bestfriend was on vacation. I sat home alone, in the dark, drank too much wine, smoked too many cigarettes (and I quit smoking a LONG time ago) listened to Cat Stevens and cried myself to sleep each night. I went on vacation the next weekend and suffered panic attacks everytime I wasn't completely engaged in something.

Then I came back from vacation and somehow things seemed a little better. Each day, I felt a tiny bit better. I stopped tearing up at work, I stopped feeling sick when I ate. I'm still having a lot of trouble sleeping, but I know that too will subside. I still feel sad when I think about it, but I find I don't think about it as frequently (like when it was CONSTANT) and it's not so all-consuming, soul crushing as it was. I think now my anxiety is more based on the fact that I lost a lot of friendships in my year and a half relationship, always being so consumed with living his life and fitting into his world. I don't know what to do with all my free time. My roommate is busy planning her wedding every weekend, my 2 closest friends live out of state (as does my family) and it's a lot harder to meet new girlfriends once you're out of school, and you're younger than everyone in your office by almost 10 yrs. NYC is a great city, but it's not the friendliest place on earth.

I'm digressing!! My point is, in your own time it WILL get better, you just need to be open to the fact that it's babysteps at times, pay attention to the little things. The first day I didn't run to the bathroom to cry at work was HUGE, and I didn't even realize till it was 2 or 3 days in a row. Appreciate each time you laugh, or sleep through the night or can feel proud of yourself or happy for someone else. These are all clues that you're joining the real world, slowly but surely, again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 1:17pm
I am with you. It is easy for some one to say he is a loser and you can do better but when you are in love with someone it isn't that easy. I have invested 8 years off and on with the guy I just told I couldn't see anymore. He too said he loved me one day and saw another women 2 days later telling me he can't be exclusive but he is with her saying they are friends and it is all platonic. I know he is playing games but it doesn't make it any easier.
Teach
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 8:26pm

thanks for your understanding...and at times like these it makes me truly appreciate the support system that i have around me..my friends keep me on track...

i really do hope that you can move on again as well..8 years is a very long time...but i know one day you will give your trust and love to someone who really deserves it..

>hugz<

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 8:35pm

yeah..i totally get what you mean...i was bawling my eyes out at work and i did cry myself to sleep every night plus every morning the moment i open my eyes..it was a really bad time.

even though only a couple days has passed since we broke up, i'm making every effort to really LIVE for ME again. Instead of constantly revolving my life around his time and schedule.

he goes to the same gym as me..so i do see him around..and it makes it that much harder to forget him and the good times. but the only way i can salvage my pride is just to pretend he doesn't exist and that i am not bothered by his presence.

i do still think about the special moments we had together..and i do miss it very much..but then i try to focus on all the crap that i went through and how he cheated on me..then i get this rage in me..and this is what is making me go on without him..

i am still waiting for the pain to go away..just wish it was sooner...but i take comfort in knowing that i have people like you from all around the world showing their love and support...

>hugz<

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 8:42pm

i really do hope that this experience will make me stronger..but i also hope that one day i will be able to trust a man again.

and that i will learn to love and me really into the relationship..because with the rate i'm going now..i don't dare to let anyone get that close to me that emotionally again..

thanks for your reply! >hugzz<