Withdrawls from an abuser, how do i cope

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Withdrawls from an abuser, how do i cope
1
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 10:35am
I was in a very destructive emotionally abusive relationship for a year. My ex broke up with me once, an then came back and then he broke up with me again, claiming he could never make me happy. I disagreed, I believe he just didn't want to try to make me happy. Now, the first time we broke up, we were still talking and I knew there was a chance of him coming back. But now that there is no chance of reconciliaton, I know he is never coming back or going to call me again and I have accepted it, but it hurts so much. I believed that he would change when he came back, he didn't which is also so painful. That is a whole other story as to why I even wanted to stay with an abuser, and I am getting professional help with that. He officially ended it with me 3 weeks ago, and we have not talked since. This is the first time in a whole year I have gone without talking to him, and I am experiencing severe severe pain. I am plagued by thoughts of him day and night, wondering what he is doing, if he's going to call, and I am haunted by nightmares of him with other women, and all I do is cry while I am not at work. I woke up this morning from a nightmare of him with a woman, I was crying hysterically and could not go to work. I work with him which is worse, because every day I fear that I will see him with another girl, and I believe I will have a breakdown. If I couldn't even go to work today after that dream, what will happen when and if I do see him with another woman?
I constantly pick up my phone and dial his number, but can't go through with calling him, as it has taken me every ounce of strength for 3 weeks not to call him. I feel as if I am on constantly on the verge of picking up that phone to hear his voice and tell him I can't stand being without him. I feel like this pain and addiction is never going to subside and my fear of seeing him with someone else is driving me insane. I feel pyshically sick thinking about it, and I just feel sick inside. I am in therapy, but still, this feeling isn't passing...and I worry that it won't. My psychiatrist says I am just suffering the natural feelings from abreak up, and that is normal...but she can't make my feelings go away. I thought I would post here because maybe there is someone out there who has experienced these withdrawls and who will have some sound advice for me to get through the end of an abusive, additicve relationship. I have never felt this pain before in my life, and I just want to change jobs to get away from him and the fear of seeing him, and seeing him with a girl. I am at rock bottom, and heartbroken...hearbroken that this man was once so wonderful to me, and then changed...I struggle with that as well. I am a mess and cannot pick up the pieces. Why is this happening to me...I am 33 and happy, healthy, smart and attractive. Why do I feel destroyed in side...are these withdrwals? Are these the effects of the end of having been absused so emotionally? Is it a combination of the break up and after affects of abuse?
Why do I miss such a person who abused me, why can't I just be thankful he ended it and move on? I do not have clinical depression, but I feel as if I do...please advise...I am distraught.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 11:41am

Hi blondedogluvr and welcome to the board.