Woke up Crying

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
Woke up Crying
7
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 7:29am

Everyone I've talked to bascially has told me to forget him and move on. That the way he did me our last weeks together and the way he broke up with me is unforgiveable.

But, I know he still loves me :(

Him telling me that day that maybe he was just trying to find a way to think about things really messed me up. Now I'm sitting here... 'waiting'...

... I even had a friend do a runic reading for me last night. I asked 'Should I wait for him to come back to me?'

The results were Growth, Boundries (protection) and Guiding light... He said basically that I had to make a decision about what to do and it would be the right one. Geez. Great.

Well, I've made a decision to not contact him unless he contacts me first... but wow, that doesn't mean anything as far as him coming back to me goes. I have to think of it realistically.

Thing is, he keeps contacting me. You know how it is when you pretty much WILL the other person to talk to you and it... just doesn't happen? Well, by the end of the day, he's contacted me. Not the contact I want necessarily, but its there nonetheless.

I've blocked him on my messengers... however, I have the urge to remove him so he can talk to me if he wants to.

Anyway, I woke up this morning crying. I did so well yesterday... and this morning, I'm in a ball holding my pillow and crying. Saying out loud 'I love you, Nick, please come back to me....' :(

I spent a long time yesterday looking up 'getting over it' resources and talking to friends... getting the 'ol 'forget him' advice. 'Here's how to move on' advice...

And then in a month and a half I'm going to be down there. I'm going to basically be alone there with him... gosh. I want him back so badly, regardless of how immature he's handled everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: webevie
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:14pm

IMHO, I don't agree with the "forget him and move on" because you cannot forget him. He's there with you because you loved/love him an he broke it up. The way I dealt with the loss I had was to start by acceopting the idea of "it's over" and that even though he was still alive and walking he wasn't coming back to me. He'd made up his mind and was not changing it. I was the one crying all day, sobbing in bed at night and morning and waiting for him. He was not. Accepting is hard because we don't want to do it. Accepting that it's over means that we have to move on and we don't want to do it without him. You need time to process that. The fact that he keeps contacting you it's not helping. As long as he's in the picture you" have hope" to cling on. You're negociations of "I'm not contacting him unless he does it first" is another mechanism to try and hang on to something that it's over. I know it's hard, but it's not impossible to move on.

In your place, I'd not answer his calls or return his messages. If he asks for contact and you are face to face with him I'd tell him that you need time and that you rather not speak to him and that respect your desicion. This is time for you and noone else. You need to be selfish to heal yourself. I'd accept the facts and grieve and rant and such and finally the "getting over him" will come to you. The desicion the runic reading talked about will the one you make for your own well-being.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
In reply to: webevie
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:38pm

I understand what you are saying and (how many times have you heard this, ladies?) this situation is different.

He loves me.

The reading suggested that the decision that I'd made was the right one. The question that I asked was 'Should I wait for him to come back to me?'

So, although I'm not contacting him first, he still wants me in his life.

I want to explain it all away, say its different that even if we don't get back together, I'll be ok... but I'm just not ready to have him out of my life yet. :(

Yes, I know I'm probably setting myself up for a fall, but I guess I'm just hanging out in limbo until I move down there and I see that he actually doesn't want me back.

I'm sorry if I am letting all you gals down, but I really, really think he was just getting cold feet, that things had gone too fast, that I had worn him down with my neuroticsm...

...I think given time and some healing for both of us, it could be good again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
In reply to: webevie
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 3:03pm

I get what you are saying completely, but trust me, you need to look out for yourself.

If continuing to talk to him hurts, you need to stop. I stopped contacting my ex for 4 weeks and it helped immensely we are now talking pretty regularly again, and it's good.

Almost everyone on these boards still has hope that maybe, just maybe one day their ex will want them back, me included.

I so badly want my ex to want me back, but I also know that it may not ever happen and if he does never want me back, then it wasn't meant to be.

My ex like yours still loves me. This is probably harder than anything, because you know within yourself that he still feels that way and you hold on a little harder.

I'm gonna give you some advice someone on these boards gave me:

"Move on with your life, moving on doens't meant that you don't still love him, or that you won't get back together one day, it just means you are moving on. Don't waste your life away, crying and moping around waiting for someone who didn't want you"

Its kinda harsh, but its true.

My philosophy: Hope for the best, but expect the worst.

Find your inner strength.

~Amber~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
In reply to: webevie
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 3:09pm

Thanks a lot Amber. :)

But it actually doesn't hurt at all to talk to him. It is irritationg that I can't send a :-* (kiss) to him for no reason, but otherwise we are ok today.

We caught up on what has been going on while avoiding talk of the breakup.

Also, I'm not waiting on him. I'm doing what you said, Hoping for the best and expecting the worst. I'm going to work, doing things with my kids, etc etc.

It was nice though to hear it from someone else, thanks so much :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
In reply to: webevie
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 6:33pm
your message has helped me . Because I was told to just accept it . So I see that I really have no choice .
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: webevie
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 1:26am

I went back to read your original post because I got off track. By your post, it seems that your ex doesn't feel ready to be a daddy and he feels you're too emotional and have less money than him so he broke it up. He loves you, but not enough to committ himself to you and your children. You're going down there to where he is to try and convince him to change his mind. You'd have to consider one thing, though, and that is that in 6 months hardly anyone is ready to say "I do". You're getting to know the person and getting out of the "honeymoon stage" into the real life stage. He might have thought it better with a long term pair of glasses. He's reconsider on what it'd mean to be with you, who he considers too emotional, not be able to have the social lifestyle he's used to and be a daddy to your kids. Perhaps he's not prepared to do so. You say he's 13 years younger than you so that is a big difference. Not in the beginning but now it appears that it is.

With your plans of meeting him to discuss the situation you're not letting anybody down or else, you're just trying to convice yourself that you can change his mind once you're there. His parents approval is just an excuse to get out of the relationship he apparently feels is not the right one for him.

I do understand that you don't want to let go because you feel "he's the one". I wish you good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
In reply to: webevie
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 5:29am

Oh no, I was down there for 3 weeks, just came back this Saturday.

I was down there to get a job so I could move down there and I did get a job (worked a bit while I was down there). And he broke up with me after he'd asked me to stay a week and I did because we were having such a good time.

Now I am going down there to live because I had always planned to move from where I am due to the fact that my job became stagnant, he just gave me a city to go to. I cannot change my plans now that we are not together... he is just going to happen to be down there.

Although I hope he changes his mind, after my epiphany yesterday I realize that unless something drastic happens (which I doubt) we will not be anything more than good friends.

I hasn't even been a week though... he told me that my greatest folly was my impatience... he went out last night. I am sure he discussed this with whoever he was out with. We'll see what his conclusions are today I suppose. :/