wondering.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2006
wondering.....
5
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 9:24pm
I feel pathetic. I keep checking my email daily as if by some miracle this romantic sentiment of him apologizing, wanting me back, wanting to explain, gushing .... This fantasy of for once a man wanting me back so badly he would do anything. Ha, I have no idea why I even bother. And today, I hear he is going to the summer player haven, every other weekend, like we had planned, since we were dating, he wanted to spend other weekends with me. So my first thought, THERE IS, THERE MUST be someone else and I WANT TO KNOW, I HAVE TO KNOW. Why? It would most likely make me feel worse. But I want some type of closure. I want some answers. I am not even sure I want him, if I could have him back would I want him? Who knows, probably not, not the way he was acting. I guess I am pmsing, maybe lonely this week, pissed off thinking he could want someone else. Maybe that is it. So determined to want to find out, my friend is staying with them this weekend, and I am hoping for some tidbit of info. A cell phone call, where he uses a pet name, anything. Do I like pain? Do I like drama? I must. I have so much anger, I want to call him and just yell, cry, who knows what.... this is just not good for me. I hope this weekend get away finds me a nice distraction so I can forget all about this mess.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: ohmigosh38
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 9:38pm
I was thinking about this too...just confronting him (its been a month for me) and telling him how i feel and ask if hes seeing someone else and if thats the reason he broke up with me and that thats pretty lousy,etc etc...I know it would really hurt but at the same time, would it give me that closure and close the hope that he may email or call wanting me back..i dont know...
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ohmigosh38
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 1:01am

You're not pathetic, you're in mourning. I keep checking my email every ten minutes too. I wish my ex (man it's so hard to call him that after calling him my boyfriend for so long) would send me an email telling me he's sorry and wants to work things out and wants me back again. I think wishful thinking is one of the ways we get over this. I'm not sure how long ago your breakup happened, but in time these feelings will become less frequent. And after a while they'll be gone altogether.

Stop torturing yourself by imagining him with someone else. If you know he's with someone it will just make you feel worse, so try, hard though it may be, not to think about it. Or if you must think about it, imagine him treating her WORSE than he treated you! And imagine yourself meeting your next boyfriend, a man who will love, respect and admire you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. In fact, if you could replace your thoughts of him with someone else with thoughts of your next boyfriend, that would be even better. Don't picture him giving her everything he never gave you. Picture yourself with someone who can give you what you need.

I don't think you need a distraction this weekend. I think you need to allow yourself to feel all the feelings the loss has brought up. Don't run and hide from your feelings. Feel the pain, the loneliness, the emptiness, the rage, the anger, the despair. Watch the feelings. Don't act on them. Just watch them and they will pass.

Avatar for wildlucky4me
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: ohmigosh38
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 9:15am
I hate "wondering" too.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2006
In reply to: ohmigosh38
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 9:28pm

Do you think we will ever figure out men? I am not sure. I am just at the end of my rope. Today I got thrown against the wall by my boss, figuratively, I guess my performance has been suffering. I know it has and I know why. This stupid male distraction, this stupid rejection, this stupid obsession of thinking about it. I am angry now even more at myself. I need to really ramp it up or I am going to be out of a job. A few weeks ago I was the golden girl, life was one happy day, I had what I thought was a boyfriend, my boss thought I walked on water, and now it has all really come crashing down.

With regards to the MIA issue, as I think back I am really starting to believe there was someone else in the picture and I was just the flavor or variety change. Thats all. If he even remotely cared for my feelings we would have spoken again. Nothing. He just walked away nice and neatly. Be careful of this guy, I belive they give you their best behavior in the beginning, it only get worse from there ( if only I could take this advice!)what will he be doing in 6 months from now? And do you want to be dating a guy who has this communication issue? Does he explain or tell you where he is? or what is going on with him, that he needs space or time alone? I have been here, just leads to anger , frustration and distrust.

I just don't know what to say... I am so confused these days... don't know what they are all looking for. They need to know barbie is plastic and Hugh Hefner is RICH. Wake up call boys!!!!

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: ohmigosh38
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 11:13pm
I totally understand where you are coming from and feel the same way. It's kind of the "I don't want you, but I sure as hell don't want someone else having you" type thing. I also know how it feels to have friends that hang out with an ex,I'm going though the same thing! It sucks! I guess staying strong and moving on is the best thing I can think of doing, even though it's SO DIFFICULT to find someone who you can't resist. I suppose looking is better than being in a dead end relationship though...right?