Worried about ex..
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| Mon, 03-26-2007 - 6:07pm |
Hey everyone!,
I'm sure most of you remember the story of my breakup, and I wanted to let everyone know I'm doing alot better :-). However, I'm really worried about my ex at this point,
Background info: Girlfriend cheats on me with guy, leaves me for him etc etc. Guy is 23 years old, from absolute ghetto, sweettalker. She used to be a sweet girl, very family oriented, now she fights with her family about him, and has lost friends over it. Some friends have described her as a "jerk", which is something I've never heard anyone say about her before. She's anorexic (to look good for the guy, even though shes skinny to begin with), and has been tanning constantly, people we know barely recognize her anymore.
Then I heard from the ex's roommate that this guy is 26. Turns out, my ex snooped through his wallet and found out he's actually 21. Not a big deal? He's told her that he's graduated college already, and he's been engaged to a girl before (it broke off obviously). He works at a fast food joint, and sparingly, at a gym, and apparently gets paid to wrestle randomly. He spends ridiculous amounts of money on her, and takes her to lavish restaraunts etc etc, and I've wondered if he's a drug dealer (he was adamant to her that he's not). I mean, no one makes money like he's spending, with a Bachelors degree in psych, and it's not like his parents have money, otherwise A) he wouldn't work so many crummy jobs and B) he wouldn't live in the ghetto.
So he says (being this big shot) he doesnt have a cell phone, and his car is broken down and he doesnt feel like fixing it, and that she can't see his place because its in "such a bad neighborhood" . Point is, I'm honestly worried about her being completely corrupted by this guy. I know everyone says "worry about yourself" but I'm fine now, and you don't just stop caring about someone so I can't just tell myself to forget about it. There's nothing I can do, she won't listen to me, her friends, or her family. Any advice or insight to this situation would be great! Thanks :-)

Hi Zoey,
You have your own insight:
::There's nothing I can do, she won't listen to me, her friends, or her family.
If you want a really weird idea email me through my profile.
I know you still care about her, and you worry about her. But all you can really do is let her know that you are there for her. It sounds like the poster before me has an idea, and I hope it works.
Hi Zoey, it's nice that you're so caring and want to help your ex. It's sad to hear what she's going through. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to contact her, she might get the wrong idea and I don't know if you're completely over her. If you contact her you may undo all that time you struggled through to get over her. You said she doesn't listen to you or anyone, I doubt continuously contacting her to give her advice will change much. She might think you're trying to find an excuse to get back with her or just find your attempts to help her annoying. You can't force her to get help, only she can do that for herself. You can offer suggestions to her friends and families but I'm not sure if that will do much since you said she doesn't listen to anyone.
When a person is in a destructive path or in an unhealthy relationship, they don't consciously realize what's happening until something hits them. The more you push, the more the person will resist and push back. You can only offer suggests and support, there are hotlines and health centers she can go to, you can google it and give a list to her family. Here's one I found 1888 771 5166 http://www.aplaceofhope.com/ Hope I was helpful.
"When a person is in a destructive path or in an unhealthy relationship, they don't consciously realize what's happening until something hits them."
Exactly, everyone tells me sooner or later, she's gonna have to deal with this (our breakup/her situation). Everyone says it'll catch up to her eventually and hit her like a brick wall. Like, she thinks things with this guy are perfect (cause its the beginning), but when she sees that he's not this infallable creature (far from it), she will wake up and realize that she was SO mean and awful to me, and I still cared. And, not that it matters at all I guess, but hopefully she will get out of this. No?
it's just that she's completely changed as a person, everyone says she was so tame with me for 4 years, and she's gone crazy. i suppose this could be her wild side, cause her life is nuuuuts right now. she's bound to settle down at some point, and realize this guy is a complete idiot (and no, i'm not just saying that because i do not like him), and has no future. and is lying to her.
when "it hits her" it's gonna be tough, don't you guys think? cause i mean she will think of how mean she was to me and how i was nothing but nice to her in the end (which really caught her by surprise probably), and she'll think of, you know our PAST HISTORY (the four years we were together), oh i dunno im just rambling. i just miss her :-\
Hi Zoey, how are you feeling today? It takes time to get over a breakup. Though a part of that person will always be with you, the pain you feel will eventually subside. Give yourself time, relax, and let go. Don't worry about your ex now, you did all you can. Think about yourself now. If you're waiting for her to come to her senses or want to "rescue" her in an effort to get back together, you may be very disappointed when you find out she has moved on or that she really doesn't want to get back together. I don't doubt she doesn't care for you any more. You guys were together for 4 years but there was a reason why you guys broke up and she is currently seeing someone else. Don't wait for her Zoey, allow yourself to move on and heal. Live your life, perhaps you will meet someone. Don't wait for her.
I'm not a psychic and I don't know if she will come back to you or not but there was a reason why you guys broke up. There is a reason why she chose to be with someone else. I know you're worried about her and still care deeply for her but you have to take care of yourself now. Don't try to contact her in an effort to get back with her. Don't contact her because you miss her. Let go of her. You can't begin the grieving process with out letting her go and saying to yourself it is over and I have to get over her. 4 years is a long time but you can and will get over this if you try. Don't hold onto that pain in hopes she'll come back to you. Let yourself get over her and when you are completely over her, then you can have peace in mind and open your heart to someone else. Someone who appreciates you, care and love you as much as you do for her.