Worried re: keeping NC over holiday
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| Wed, 06-28-2006 - 10:19am |
Hi everyone,
I am just writing to check in, and also because I'm worried about something and I'm hoping you ladies can kind of cheer me through it like you always do. It always helps.
As a lot of you on here who are trying to deal with no contact and who might be in a similar situation as me, knowing that your ex is now hanging all over other women/back with an ex/partying, etc, and maybe having a hard time stopping with the "checking up", etc, I'm sure that you all can understand how difficult holiday weekends can be. This is funny, but I'm thinking it might not be so hard because as luck would have it, my computer at home is so old and crappy that if I try to go to myspace, there's so many graphics and pictures and things on there that it usually makes my computer freeze and then I have to re-boot, which takes a year and a day on my machine, so that in itself helps me to stay away (when I'm at home atleast). I'm back on track with not going to myspace to look at his page, I saw my counselor yesterday, and she said I'm doing good, but I'm still worried with the long weekend coming up and me knowing that there's going to be TONS of partying going on. I am hoping that it doesn't turn into a weak moment for me and cause my holiday weekend to be an unhappy one, like it did with memorial day. I spent my entire weekend home and upset. Now I have off from work this coming Monday and Tuesday, and I don’t want the same thing to happen. Granted a lot has gone down since then, I've had health problems due to him, had to go through tests, etc, things that have made me hate him, but I'm still worried about it. I'm known to be fine one minute, and not so fine the next. You ladies know how this type of recovery works. It's not easy.
I did have a road trip planned with my girlfriend to go upstate for the weekend the weekend following the holiday, and that was something I was really looking forward to, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen unless I want to go with her and be in the car ATLEAST 8 hours each way (going from long island to buffalo, NY) just to be there for one day. I don’t feel that it would be worth it, but on the other hand, it would be something to look forward to, we have fun together, and we'd be going to meet her friend who is in the military and a bunch of his friends, to go out and see upstate NY and go shopping and dinner and to Niagara Falls. Part of me doesn't think it's worth it, and part of me thinks I should go just to have something to do with my friend and have some fun. She offered to drive, pay for the gas, tolls, and the room because she's going with or without me, so besides my food, drinks, and whatever shopping I do, it would be a free trip. I think I might just go. But still, I have the holiday weekend to contend with.
I already made plans to hang out with my best friend for Monday. I'm thinking of planning for a BBQ for my family for sometime over the weekend (if it ever stops raining here). Otherwise I'm just going to have to keep myself occupied and keep my thoughts off the jerk.
Any thoughts and "cheers" would help :)
Thanks
Jacki

I think one's attitude and expectation determines much of a particular outcome. So if you're expecting that you're not going to be able to keep up NC over the weekend, you probably won't be able to.
So turn it around--make the decision that you are NOT going to contact him or look at his myspace page or anything else, no matter what!, until at least, say, July 5 (or whatever date you feel you can do). Tell a couple friends that you're making that commitment and ask for their help in sticking to it. Call them when you're having trouble. Make a plan to go to a movie (in the theater) when you're feeling weak (that's two hours during which you can't contact him ;-)).
Sheri
Hey J,
GO! Take an 8 hr car ride, catch up with your friend, see some new sites, and get yourself away from the pc & around other people. Don't forget that while he's entertainig himself, you're still & always were entitiled to enjoy yourself & do fun things too. BBQ w/ your family afterwards, catch a flick, go for a jog just do anything you want... there really is plenty of things to do so you just have to find or create them!
You live in on the island... close to the city? Go the Washington square park w/ a friend & watch the park entertainers.... the bubble astrology man is one of my favorites...next to the breakers :) if you're into watching silly people for a chuckle.
Have you ever considered self rewarding volunteer work? If so, this is a great site
www.volunteermatch.org
Good luck to you chickie!
R
Jacki,
Go on the trip girl!
I am going to go on the trip :)
Also, I did look into blocking the page, and as far as I can see there is no way to block just a particular site from being accessed. Through parental controls you can only block the kind of sites being accessed.
Another problem is I found myself going into it at work, and I cant change their settings.
If i'm wrong and anyone knows of a way to block just the site itself, PLEASE TELL ME!!
Just hang in there, go to the bookstore, there are somany books to make you feel better, jeez, you could come to my house, i have tons about breaking up, moving on, all that BS we hate! Its been one week and two days for me since NC, it is the hardest thing in the world, I almost caved last night, i went food shopping, and the last time i did that was with him, like we did together for the last two years, i got down the first aisle, veggies, and the tears were streaming down my face, it took me all the willpower in the world not to call him and scream at him, but i got past it. The best advice I ever got was from my therapist, the last time we broke up, was...every time you think of him or anything to do with him, (which is everything after 3 1/2 yrs) she said to just change that channel and think of anything, doesn't matter, anything else, and it works. Dont listen to any songs that relate... like, dance, hiphop reminds me of him, i have been listening to classic rock (:P) not my favorite, but anything in my car that isnt music to relate to him or silence works wonders. Trust me, this is my second time around with the same boyfriend, and i know its so hard, last time i cried constantly, texted him, wouldn't get out of bed, couldn't eat, ugh, rediculous! But this time, like yourself, you have to be strong, the thoughts of them being with other girls this holiday wkend is the worst thing for us, but quess what? What is meant to be, is meant to be, any of those girls hooking up, are doing just that, hooking up....i know, i am a bartender at the Jersey shore and i see it all the time, men are dogs, and there are those girls out there who give us nice girls a bad name, or leave us home "wondering" what our man is doing with them... I say you go to the video store, rent a bunch of movies, like NO love stories, funny ones, to keep your mind occupied, go to the book store, just do your best not to think of him...I personally picked up extra shifts at work, all weekend just not to think of him... just hang in there, trust me, its better for you, when we call, email, text, it only makes us look desperate and psycho, been there!! And no websites pertaining to him either, i am so proud of myself for not going there, and I wont. Hang in there, dont forget we are all here for you too!!!
take care,
Louise