This is the worst pain ever
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This is the worst pain ever
| Sat, 08-28-2004 - 7:52pm |
I have been lurking on this board for sometime now. I haven't wanted to post because it's just so painful to face the fact that my relationship is over. Without going into too much painful detail, I broke up with my X 2 months ago ater I found some court papers where he outlined a relationship he had with a girl who is now suing him for sexual harrassment (the 3rd time he's been accussed in the year and a half I have known him). We broke up quite a bit and usually got back together and I thought this time would be no exception. But it wasn't. In fact, the very next day, he got a new girlfriend. I am very upset right now because he is with her right now. I text messaged him telling him I have fixed his computer and can I drop it off. He said, "No, and you know why". I said, "Because she is with you." And he said, "YES". I just replied, "Ok, sorry." I am absolutely devestated. I was fine after our breakup, until he told me he was seeing someone else. He told me last Tuesday night that they were starting to fall in love, but that night I convinced him to come over and we had great sex. I am so confused. I know he is just using me, and the fact that he'd have sex with me when he has a gf shows me what kind of person he is.
I feel so alone right now. I used to spend every weekend with him. We'd take trips, see movies, go out to eat....you know. You have all been there. And now, he is living it up with someone new and I am sitting here crying my eyes out. I hate weekends now because I know he is with her every weekend. I can't leave my house out of fear I will run into them. I feel like I am dying on the inside. I have no friends. Please someone help me feel less loney and pathetic.
Chris
I feel so alone right now. I used to spend every weekend with him. We'd take trips, see movies, go out to eat....you know. You have all been there. And now, he is living it up with someone new and I am sitting here crying my eyes out. I hate weekends now because I know he is with her every weekend. I can't leave my house out of fear I will run into them. I feel like I am dying on the inside. I have no friends. Please someone help me feel less loney and pathetic.
Chris

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I know that your feelings are still there, no matter what he does. But really, take it day by day, pamper yourself, go buy yourself a new outfit, and hold you head up high. You deserve respect - which you are not going to get from this clown.
Edited 8/28/2004 10:29 pm ET ET by schnoodle24
My heart really went out to you when I read your post. I could have wrote it myself but you have got to realize that you were in an abusive relationship. He may not have ever hit you but there are other ways to abuse someone without ever laying a finger on them. Think of this if you stayed with him you would not trust him ever, he would lie to you constantly and I dont mean little lies we are talking huge lies, you would be miserable, what if you had kids with him would you really want this man to help raise your children. These are things you have to consider. Yes its painful, yes it sucks more than anything trust me I know. It is so hard when you have had your self esteem erased to nil to let the source of the abuse go. Especially when they move on to the next victim and believe me she will be a victim. Do not think he will be different with her and if you had just been different in some way he would be treating you as well as he is treating her because there will come a time when she will no longer serve his purpose either and she will be getting the same abuse. Dont wish that upon her though keep in mind she really is innocent in this as she sees him for the charming soul he is portraying. He is an actor in a script that he has played out many times. He is not capable of feeling emotion like we are. He is empty. Please know that you are not losing anything other than a dream of what he offered to you in the beginning when he was wooing you.
Now as for the Herpes issue. That is so callous and a true testimony to his character that he would have put you in harms way to catch a STD. Have you been tested for others? Im not trying to scare you but true narcissitic personality types have no fear of things like disease and what they do to others because they do not feel. Please have yourself checked for others and then do not ever and I mean ever have sex with him again. If he slept with you while he is with this new GF he is probably sleeping with others. Sex is just sex to these guys it holds no sentiment or sense of committment. I am not trying to lessen what you had with him but believe me when I tell you he is not capable of the kind of love and committment you are wanting. You will find it someday but you have to let this low life go before you can. In the meantime only work on you. No one else. Do not look for someone new, you dont need that. You need to find you. It helps me to post here and to read. I read a lot. I study people a lot and I am finding myself. You need to do these things too. Do not call him. Do not take his calls and I really believe he will call you just as soon as he figures out you are no longer under his spell. Do not waiver on this YOU DO NOT NEED HIM.
Be strong and be gentle on yourself you are a victim. You will survive and be so much happier for it.
Hugs
Amy
Are you on the Love Addict board? It's like we all had the same ex-boyfriends, I appreciate your post. I'm going crazy knowing the new girl is getting all the perks I got in the beginning of the 3 year relationship. I keep trying to remember how long the honeymoon period was before he let me have it for the 1st time. Yes they do repeat the pattern. The girlfriend before me lasted 18 months and she actually called me and warned me and I believe him when he said she was jealous. The girl before her had a restraining order out on him and when I had to go to court with him (community service was his punishment along with 3 days jail time) he said I only put my hand over her mouth because she wouldn't stop yelling at me and I BELIEVED HIM. These losers are actors they know the routine to lock you in. I feel sick to my stomach sometimes yet crave his A**hole.
Yes my EGO in major in the way that's why meetings are so important. I have a hard time focusing on myself.
WE DESERVE BETTER!!! I'm so glad you said he will repeat the action with the new girl because I sometimes too think maybe it's me. I'm reading "Why does he do that" very helpful, mine was the sensitive abuser.
Peep NO CONTACT has helped me so much and keep posting.
Helene
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