This is the worst pain ever
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This is the worst pain ever
| Sat, 08-28-2004 - 7:52pm |
I have been lurking on this board for sometime now. I haven't wanted to post because it's just so painful to face the fact that my relationship is over. Without going into too much painful detail, I broke up with my X 2 months ago ater I found some court papers where he outlined a relationship he had with a girl who is now suing him for sexual harrassment (the 3rd time he's been accussed in the year and a half I have known him). We broke up quite a bit and usually got back together and I thought this time would be no exception. But it wasn't. In fact, the very next day, he got a new girlfriend. I am very upset right now because he is with her right now. I text messaged him telling him I have fixed his computer and can I drop it off. He said, "No, and you know why". I said, "Because she is with you." And he said, "YES". I just replied, "Ok, sorry." I am absolutely devestated. I was fine after our breakup, until he told me he was seeing someone else. He told me last Tuesday night that they were starting to fall in love, but that night I convinced him to come over and we had great sex. I am so confused. I know he is just using me, and the fact that he'd have sex with me when he has a gf shows me what kind of person he is.
I feel so alone right now. I used to spend every weekend with him. We'd take trips, see movies, go out to eat....you know. You have all been there. And now, he is living it up with someone new and I am sitting here crying my eyes out. I hate weekends now because I know he is with her every weekend. I can't leave my house out of fear I will run into them. I feel like I am dying on the inside. I have no friends. Please someone help me feel less loney and pathetic.
Chris
I feel so alone right now. I used to spend every weekend with him. We'd take trips, see movies, go out to eat....you know. You have all been there. And now, he is living it up with someone new and I am sitting here crying my eyes out. I hate weekends now because I know he is with her every weekend. I can't leave my house out of fear I will run into them. I feel like I am dying on the inside. I have no friends. Please someone help me feel less loney and pathetic.
Chris

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You are not an idiot. Dont ever think that. It is normal to want your Ex to suffer and he will but it may not be over this and you have to accept that. If you keep worrying about him and if he is suffering you will continue to give him that power of you. Dont do it. He is not worth it. This is a man that has given you a disease, the same disease that he will give to this new girl. That is so hideous I cant even find the words for it.
First, stop emailing him and stop calling him. This is by the far the hardest thing you will ever do, trust me. It has got to be down though. Call a friend, email a friend, read a book, do a puzzle or post here but DO NOT CONTACT HIM. I wish I had some good advice to tell you how to do this. This is my weakness, the contacting part. I have a very hard time with that. Fortunately, my ex did me the courtesy of moving to another state (of course we were still dating when he did) so I dont have to see him everyday.
Also, I wish I could give you a great big hug and tell you that you are beautiful and you dont need this mans abuse to make you valuable. You are already valuable and you deserve someone that can see that but foremost you have to see that for yourself.
Yes, he is with another woman but wasnt he with other women all along? I know that seems different somehow because didnt we feel so special when they came back to us but look what he brought you back-a disease that you will have for the rest of your life. I know you feeling that you are not worthwhile because he is with someone else and he is treating her like she is a queen but think back, didnt he treat you the same way? Didnt he promise you the stars and what did he deliver to you. Do you honestly think he is going to be different with her.
I wish you could tell her about the Herpes but he would probably find a way to convince her that you are just crazy and somehow make himself that much more appealing to her but for her own good I would be tempted to try in some way to warn her. She truly is just another one of his victims and probably someone with no self esteem. Thats the kind of woman that these men prey on.
Please dont hesitate to say anything you are feeling. Believe me you are not feeling anything the rest of us havent felt at sometime. You are completely normal but you have got to begin the healing process.
Amy
I am going to take the focus off of him and what a jerk he is... Let's say that it starts with YOU... It wont be him, or us who can truly get you there... Words wont mean a thing if you don't see that this is something you really need to do to lead a better life... YOu have to depend on you for once to make these responsible changes for yourself... Show HIM and YOURSELF that YOU are worth it... and worth the world and beyond if you believe in it yourself! Stop this contact. Erase his number from speed dial, unplug your phone if you need to (!), continue your exercise program, plan hour by hour, minute, by minute if you have to to keep yourself occupied even if it's just not to contact him...
Don't you know that you can truly do it if you REALLY want this for yourself and really reflect on his assanine ways? Not always, but WE are in control of a lot of our fate... It's all in mindset and strength to get there, even during the most difficult times,e ven if it's a rough, painful path to get there, at times, those paths make us appreciate the rewards of the future... the rewards we reep because we LIVED through the path, and got through it, and got stronger and demanded the things we deserve... You are worth a better man than this, a better life for yourself, a better future that includes love and respect, trust, and honesty... You can do anything you set your mind to if you TRULY SEE that this man is no good for you... I think you do, but look carefully, because outwardly it is all so, so evident...
Your pattern of abusive relationships needs to end here. Easier said then done, right? But, you seem to recognize and acknowledge the error of your patterned relationships... Take some responsibility for the relationships and men you chose... Yes, this guy is a complete idiot, lower then scum, but know that YOU have a part in letting this scum enter into your life again... His past should be a huge dealbreaker for you... Obviously, he is living his life in his own dysfunctional patterns... he wont accept this because he doesn't see this as a problem, and will continue on in his ways with his new girlfriend, and the next poor girl who needs to feel that her worth is judged by his acceptance, and "love...", and his desire to be with her.... and because he's revolved in her life... rather then so many other things revolving in her life...
And the only way to confront any issues or fears that you have deep inside, to work at the root of the problem, would be to go to counseling if that's possible. You are accepting the bare mininmum, if even that, of what a healthy relationship is like... If you are used to these dysfunctional, abusive men, how are you to know what a TRUE healthy relationship feels like? It might feel alien to you... This will take work... Know that you have a part... it's almost like you have to step out of your "comfort" zone, even if your zone doesn't appear all that comfortable to begin with!
You can have your "Prince Charming" if you begin to recognize that you need to set boundaries, and heighten your standards for the men you choose... You need to fine-tune your ability to END a relationship when you see these same warning signs over and over, of a man that is not respectful to women, of a man who can digustingly spread diseases to women and lie to them.... a man that would emotionally or physically abuse you... a man that could have sex with you so easily, and be in another relationship having sex just as easily the next day...
I suggest counseling even if it is a mean for you to just voice your feelings, and thoughts about your breakup since they are so painful to even type. Start your journey to healing by communicating and feeling those difficult feelings... Face them head on... Embrace them as a challenge to actually face that your relationship is over and this will make you stronger... Feel blessed that it is over... Think about all of the possibilities you have in your future, now that you got rid of this scumbag... When you learn to truly love yourself, someone else will come along, and will have that companionship that you crave... yet, it will be different as this man will be a real winner, and win over your heart for the right reasons, in the right manner... You wont be able to have a completely healthy relationship until you feel healthy within... and even if it's difficult to even see now, because you are craving contact and emailing constantly etc to this man that doesn't even deserve a lousy text message from you, you will attract healthy men when you demand that healthy mindset for yourself...
Take time to be gentle to yourself, but also be tough too to make necessary changes .... I am sorry if I sounded so harsh, but this pain you are feeling WILL end once you become proactive to ending this situation completely by no contact...
~~SD~~
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