Worst week ever...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Worst week ever...
2
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 11:24pm
Ok, this is my first time ever posting on some random website, but I'm totally out of options and need some outsiders opinions.

The man that has been in my life for 8 years just met a girl in January and they are getting married in September. We have known each other since we were 5 years old and became really close in highschool. We dated for awhile but we were both in a place in our lives that we thought we shouldn't date. Well we ended up going to college together and remained close all through that time. We've both dated other people but always end up together, especially over the last year. I truly love him and although I know its probably not destiny for us to be together, his getting engaged has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. For starters he told me he was getting married over Instant Messenger on my lunch break while I was at work and then I find out that I'm not invited to the wedding. I was very upset at first but I actually thought I was dealing with it ok for about a month...until I met a great guy. It was only when that happened that I realized I'm an emotional wreck. I couldn't even maintain any sense of normalcy with this guy and I came on so strong, trying to cling to some sort of idea that someone would care for me, that I scared the poor guy away.

I because so angry that not only is my forever boy rejecting me, but I've gotten to the point emotionally that I can't even date other people. This week has been absolute hell. I cry at the drop of a hat, I've been sick to my stomach 24/7 and have numbing headaches every night--its just killing me.

Well in a drunken rage I emailed my boy and told him i needed to get together and talk to bring closure. I thought it was a good idea at the time, but this is my problem? What the hell do I say to him?? Do I tell him that I love him and I'll miss him? Do I congratulate him? Do I just sit across from him and cry?!! What do I do??!???
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
In reply to: mog04
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 4:48pm
It seems you feel that now he is really settling down, its not with you and you realise that you dont have a certainty of a relationship (with someone) in the future...

You have to ask yourself these questions before you talk to him:

-Do I feel friendship-love of lovers-love?

-Do I feel friendship-love but feel so bad because I know now that he doesnt feel more

for me (I'm great, arent I)?

-If I feel lovers-love, shall I tell him this before he gets married (cos after is too late, and u cant really tell him anymore....)?

I hope they help a bit...

I can see that you havent figured them out yet and they are important to know, be honest to yourself...!When you have the answers, you can talk to him!

Good luck!!

Samantha

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
In reply to: mog04
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 8:51pm
You have a lot of anger that you need to get off your chest... your anger & stress is affecting you physically (sickness, headaches). Sit down with a pen & paper and quickly jot down the things that've really hurt/pissed you off. Think of all the things you NEED him to hear from you so you can really start to heal from this. From what I gathered from your post, here's a good start to your list:

--"For starters he told me he was getting married over Instant Messenger." (Very lame for someone who's been close to you for years)

--"I truly love him" and he's engaged to someone else (Does he know how you felt/feel about him?)

--"I'm not invited to the wedding." (Did he explain why?)

--etc, etc....



Let him know that you're hurt and angry & that you just need him to hear you out so you can get some closure & move on with your life. And tell him all you need to say. You don't need to congratulate him if you don't want to... this is all about you getting your feelings out. When you've said all there is to say, see what HE has to say. Wish him luck, hug him goodbye and walk away with your head held high. Things will get better in time. Don't ever believe that there won't be another love. One day a man will come into your life and love you the way you deserve to be loved. Take care.