Would you want to know

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
Would you want to know
8
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 2:18am


My sister has been going through a bad breakup for the last five months. She is having trouble letting him go and actually contacted him around the holidays with a card. Ever since then she has been slipping toward more sadness and just sounds really dejected and like she can't get up from this.

A mutual friend of ours found out that my sister's ex has a new girlfriend and has actually had one since nearly a month after he and my sister broke up.
We both don't know if we should tell her.

It is important for her to know or will it just completely crush her?
At first I thought she was doing ok, but I think it is only because every few weeks he/or she will contact one another.

But she was telling me that what's bothering her the most is how weird he is being to her. And I think the reason he is being so weird is because he has a GIRLFRIEND and she doesn't know.

I am beginning to feel like she needs to know. But I just can't bring myself to hurt her. It hurts me to think of her hurting more over this guy.

Any advice? Would you want to know?

I don't think I would want to know. I am at 6 weeks broken up with my ex and I don't want to know ANYTHING about him. at all.
But, i also have zero contact.

Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 2:53am
I can only speak for myself and
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 10:22am

Do you know if she is holding on to hope that the two of them will get back together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 12:42pm

Hi paprgrrl,


I would want to know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 1:10pm

She is holding on to hope.
I know she is, even though she says she's not.
She doesn't talk to any of us about her feelings (that's OK) but the person she does talk to is her friend who ended up marrying the guy who broke up with her years before.
She does see some parallel issues and i think she believes that this guy is going to come around and come back to her.

so, we should tell her... ok then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 4:26pm
Tell the married friend and get her input.




iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 12:02am

I wouldn't want to know. I told my ex that last night, to never tell me unless it's very serious. On the other hand, he said he wants to know if I'm with someone.

It depends on your sister's personality. If it's going to make her worse, don't tell her. But possibly it'll push her to get angry, realizing he'd had a new gf right away, and maybe anger will help her to get over him. Then again, anger passes and once it's gone, she could feel even worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 10:43am

I was personally put in the same situation, I was the part of your sister.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 4:15pm

Well, we told her last night. And suffice to say, she is wrecked and angry and really devastated.
We didn't feel like we had a choice, once we found out that she was holding on to hope of his return we knew we had to tell her.

When her ex broke up with her he told her it was because he was really focused on his career and that he didn't have time for a relationship. Turns out he did, just with another women. So we had to tell her, becuase she kept thinking that once he got on his career track, he would come back.

That hope had to be squashed.

Thanks for the feedback everyone it helped with the decision.