Wow - any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Wow - any advice?
2
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 9:42am

Its been Five weeks now since our third and last breakup and us being apart is probably the right thing. We are both approximately 27 and he lives down the street from me. We both coincidentally moved around the same time into the same area. We were together for a year and a half.

We have had absoultely no contact with one another and I've only even seen him once or twice randomly. ONE of those two times he saw me too but we didn't talk or anything.

This "time" was Saturday night in a bar in the town we both live in. We ignored eachother and I left with my friends soon after he arrived.

In the beginning of this last breakup I was fine because he had so many issues and was so volitile and immature about his feelings that we just couldn't work. I've posted here before about he and I. Since then I've been exercising and trying to do good things for me.

Well, I just cant get him out of my mind lately and I just wrote him a letter which I have to send. I know he always felt intimidated by my friends and I used to be confused about all of that. He feels so unaccepted and disapproved of by my family and friends that he actually took it all out on me - all the while I thought he was just a crazy loon . But now I cant get over the possibility that maybe my love and care for him wasn't entirely clear. He never really discussed any of this with me directly, but he did send those signals and passivly bring it up. I should have known it wasn't about me but I always took everything so personally becuase I thought I had given everything I had to him.

SO, I wrote him a letter - nothing about getting back together or seeing eachother. Just a letter to put it out there.

Its been five weeks and tomorrow I go on vacation with my friends, but I cant get him out of my head and I cant let go of the sweetness I felt when we were good together. It out shined all of the bad.

Thats why I went back to him those times.

I thought it would be easier by now. Any comment?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 10:07am

Back and forth relationships like that are the worst.... You break up, reunite, breakup, reunite - it's a vicious cycle and only one person can break it.

My ex and i split/reunited 5 times over 4 years and all it told me was that I should have not gone back atleast by the second time. If you have the chance to move on and heal, do it. I am right back where i started - 5th breakup and still can't seem to get him out of my mind.

What is so salvagable about your relationship? Is it just lonliness that makes you want him back? Sometimes it can be simply that. Of course there are good times or else you wouldn't have been with him - but you have to factor in the bad times and understand how much of an impact those times had on you - your self image, etc. Sometimes it's just not worth it......

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 10:16am

I know you are right. I dont want to get back together because its not going to be a healthy choice and like I said in my post, and in the letter I am about to send, what really drew me back was always the memory of the sweetness we shared and experienced together BEFORE things went sour. So its not like I'm drawn to him now. Its more like I'm still drawn to and longing for what I used to experience with him, a long long time ago.

Maybe this letter isn't the right thing to do and maybe I am doing this to test the waters or maybe I am doing this to show him and to emphasize that I truly did love him and it was real.

Its a miricle we haven't bumped into eachother these past five weeks. He lives so close to me I could walk to his house in three minutes or less. However, I haven't really been going out on the town and I know he has. I've just been hanging in my new place with my room mate and friends and having a good time. However, lately I just need to go out and meet another person.

God I wish it didn't have to be awkward. As the weather keeps imprioving, I keep running out doors and going into town at night - what will happen when I either see him with another girl or see him and we ignore eachother?

I miss him. Up until the end there definately were special moments between us. I'm doing my very best to heal and improve and disassociate - which is why I am shocked that all these feelings have resurfaced. Its been about two (2) weeks that I've been feeling this way. Vacation couldn't come at a better time!!!

-isa