Writing to heal-a book!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Writing to heal-a book!
4
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 4:50am

Alright, call me crazy but I wrote a book about my relationship with one of my X's.
Yep, a book, it is not that long, short really, about 75 pages, but it is a book and a full account of our life together. The good, the bad and the UGLY.

I wrote the letter to him after we broke up and I never mailed it, as many of us do. But it wasn't enough, I had a most difficult time getting over him. I kept journaling and finally just decided to write a little book on it.

I am not suggesting anyone do this, just sharing my story of writing.

Here is the thing, I want him to read it someday, not now. But after all I felt, feel and what we once were to each other I want him to know exactly how I felt and my side and what this did to me and my life. When we were together he wrote me constantly, poems, love letters, I have hundreds of them, as we were together a long time.
I now feel this book is my turn, late yes, but therapeutic for me.
I know he still cares about me and would probably read it someday but not now .

Anyway-- I won't send this book to him now but years to come I feel after a long time has passed, he will know my story and how I viewed our life together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 7:51am

Hi lizzyeee...


The real reason you want this man to read your story is that you're looking for CLOSURE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 9:18am

lizzy,

You are such a lovely girl.

Keep the book to yourself. I can assure you that in few years time it won't matter anymore whether or not your ex reads it. You won't care.

I did the same, well I wrote a lot letters explaining how hurt I was, I wrote a journal and thought that maybe one day my ex would realise how important he was in my life. But now (10 years later), I think he does not even deserve to read any of my thoughts. They belong to me. I just see him so insignificant now, I wonder how is it possible that such insignificant guy was capable of bringing such intense feelings in me and introspection??. When we are in love, we are literally blind.

iliana

P.S. The guy I talked about was the first boyfriend I had. I am in this message board for the breakup with my second boyfriend, which was a much more meaningful relationship compared to the first one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 12:52pm

I agree. Write this book for yourself by all means, if it helps you work things out for yourself. But don't have him read it - either now, or in the future. If it's in the future, either you won't be bothered about it any more and you'll just think why did I feel like that?! And have no urge to send it. Or you'll still be hung up on him, and having him read it lets him KNOW that you're still hung up on him, even after however much time has passed. It wouldn't be fair on you, as no matter how far over him you feel you are, you'll still be expecting some kind of response from him, and whichever response it is will very likely not be in your best interests. As well as this, it's dragging it all up again. And partly wouldn't be fair on him. He may have treated you badly (I don't know the circumstances so its just an if!), but a couple years down the line he'll have moved down the line and probably won't understand why you feel the need to write it.

So go with the others advice - write it for yourself, or leave well alone and try to move on and not dwell on what used to be (much easier said than done, I know!), or sell it as a movie as suggested :)

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 4:26pm

Thank you all! Great to hear what I do know deep inside and yes in 2-5 or 10 years I know I won't care what he thinks and hopefully I will have been moved on and happy by then.

Part of wanting him to read it one day in the far future is because throughout our relationship and when we broke up he said I never loved him, that he was never good enough and that I didn't express love for him. So I guess by writing all my thoughts that I did have and how intense they were he would know YES it was love, I was in love and sorry I didn't show it or make him feel it.

but then I think he really just isn't worth it, cause he is weak and wants nothing to do with me, except when a family member died and he called me while his new gf lay sleeping.
Anyway, dif story and yes hearing from him drew me in again, for a bit.

Feeling better day by day.
Thank you all so much for replying, it means soooooo much to me.

Great!!!!!!!