X's Xmas present

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
X's Xmas present
8
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 12:47am

I find this site very theraputic and helpful. But here is one that has me in a quandry.

In anticipation of the upcoming Christmas, I bought a present for the ex through an auction site. (Silly me, planning 3 weeks before the Holiday!) Now, with the day fast approaching. What do I do with it? The gift is not outrageously expensive, but it is not something you would find anywhere. It's not personalized, but it is personal. It's a NASCAR coat of a driver that does not have a beer company promoting him, so he's not the most well-known guy in the association. The seller I bought it from has a "no return" policy that he strictly enforces.

Do I drop it off, since my original intention was to give it to him? He dumped me, so I am not trying to "buy him back". I am trying to justify this action by convincing myself that presents are meant to be given from the heart. At the time I bought it, those were my feelings for him. Right now, I'm too bitter to even allow him to have a face if I were to see him again.

If the jacket represented a more popular drive, I would donate it to a local charity event for auction or something. But I don't think it would draw much attention.

I don't want to go through the hassle of selling it on-line myself. Heck, I was lucky to get my Christmas card out before the big day.

Any other suggestions would be most appreciated.

Mimiche

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 2:56am

give it to him

That way u did any what was in your reach to fix up things.

then it will be his turn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 4:49am
I am sooo pregnant if you read my delima, as posted, and I bought that butthead a present too, 3 weeks ago, off ebay..what a coincidence..i wrapped it today, and i am not the model christian, but i am growing and the first thing i learned was to love (1Cor13), i mean not like love for any specific person, but that we can't really have the love god intended for us from him until, we are free to comprehend it by our ability to love others the same, inspite of themselves. if we are considering that christmas is about jesus,as i try to, than that is why i decided that i would give it to him not because he deserved, but because jesus gave when we didn't. I will not allow him to make me someone I am not, I cared enough to pick it out, as you were thoughful with your gift. I am going to give it to him and not let him change my nature because he wanna be ugly..
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 8:01am
Hi and sorry 'bout your break-up - I can see your situation with a coat you don't want ... if you're really angry how 'bout creating some kind of package to send him where the coat's in pieces or something - and say that's how you feel about the relationship. Nothing violent, just to vent your pain. Try to respect your feelings and don't ignore your bitterness - work with it. Val
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 10:42am

Thank you all for your input. I have made up my mind to give him the present with the intentions I started with. That way, I have one less emotion to deal with, and I can focus on the others I do have.

Mimiche

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 11:41am

Maybe you have already made your decision....but I'm going to strongly disagree with the other posters here. I do not think you should send the present. Give it to charity, just drop it off with a bunch of other old clothes.

He decided he did not want to be in a relationship any longer. Did you completely agree with his decision? Did YOU really want the relationship to end? Most of us who are on these boards didn't want our relationships to end..that's why we're here. So you are going to give him this present, that ultimately says, okay, go ahead and dump me and now I'm going to give you this nice present as a reward for doing that? I certainly don't know enough about your situation, but I'll make an educated guess that you are abiding by the "no contact" rule that is so prevalent in these boards. I would assume you are not trying to be "friends" at this point, so why give the jacket? Maybe someday your situation with him will end up as good friends, so maybe instead of giving it to charity, you give it to a trusted friend to hold onto until that day when you are genuine friends comes. That way it's not in your personal space as a reminder. If you do have no intention of ending up as friends at some point, then definitely give it to charity...someone out there can always use a jacket, even if it's "collectability" of being specific to NASCAR is lost on someone else.

Hope I didn't make your decision more difficult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 12:24pm

You have shed some light that I appreciate.

He ended the relationship of 1+ year by simply not calling and not receiving my telephone calls. No closure. I am abiding with NC, as it is helping me avoid the emotional rollercoaster this may lead to. I cannot say I agree completely with ending the relationship because I don't even know why it ended. I did not want the relationship to end, as I was happy in it.

At this point I don't wish to be friends with him. The way he handled the break up has brought up a serious character flaw in him that I do not deem worthy of friendship. I would have at least given my partner an explanation, and I wish to have friends that would do likewise. His action has made it clear that he lacks the maturity to handle it the same way.

Thank you for giving me your input. I don't think it made the decision more difficult, but it is more complex. What happens to the coat will symbolize what I ultimately think of him.

Mimiche

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 10:27pm

I'm struggling with a similar issue right now, although not as difficult as yours because I was only seeing the guy 6 months, 3 of which were not serious at all. We were getting along really well until Tuesaday night, and we got into a huge fight (I was depressed and he was drunk, and the two did not mesh well), and ended up breaking up. We have since smoothed over the fight, and we are "friends", but I'm still upset, and there is no way we are getting back together. I think I am more upset about being alone right now than I am about anything specific to him though, he's really a great guy, but we have extremely different goals and ideas about what a relationship should be like, so I think we both knew deep down that nothing long term would really develop. We had a great time together though, and I think we will eventually be great friends.

Anyway, I bought his Christmas gifts weeks ago, and I tried really hard to choose things that would please him. I only spent about $125, but I think I got some really great stuff. Now I don't know what to do with them. Part of me wants to give him the gifts, because after all I did buy them for him, and I have no real hard feelings for him, although I am a little heart broken at the moment. I also think that returning the gifts would upset me more, I might even cry in the stores. On the other hand, I could use the money, and I don't want to make myself look pathetic, because I highly doubt that I will get a gift from him. I know that gift giving isn't about that, and I shouldn't expect anythig in return, but I can't help feeling that way.

I don't know what I will do.

In you case, however, I don't think I would give him the jacket. He broke up with you in a really cold hearted way, and doesn't seem to have any respect or regard for you. I would rather waste my money under those circumstances I think. But you have to do what you think will make you feel best about yourself, and allow you to move on more easily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 9:12pm

I want to thank you all again for your input on my dilemma.

After reconsidering everyone's input, I've decided to hang on to the jacket. Our local public television station holds an on-air auction in the spring time, and I will donate it to them. It will go to a good cause, the "sale" will receive good airing, and someone will enjoy its intention.

Merry Christmas to all!

Mimiche