YOU DID EVERYTHING RIGHT...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
YOU DID EVERYTHING RIGHT...
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 8:11am
...BUT NOT FOR THE RIGHT MAN. Thats what my friend told me when my boyfriend broke up with me.

Before I met my ex I have been just dating for 7 years. I didnt want to get involved and I didnt want any pain. The truth was that I never loved anyone before I met him. I grew up that way, my whole family didnt love each other. So I didnt know any better.

I met him and my first thought was "he is not the one but maybe we can date" He was younger and I wasnt ready to deal with that. But I did. I gave him a chance to get close to me. We was dating for 3 months when he asked me if I want to be his girlfriend, I thought that way cute. Thats when everything started. He started to be really jealous, checking on my phone when I'm not around, trying to sneek into my email, checking for the pictures on my laptop and deleting those. When we went out together he would always get mad just because some guy that I know for so long told me "hey how are you" He said I was too touchy. Well I gave up a lot, we stopped going out (it was his idea) but I didnt care anymore, I wanted to be with him and we found plenty other things we could do on the weekends. We had small arguments about who is right and who is wrong all the time and he hated when I cared about his life. I supported him from the day one, I listen to him and things that he really cared about I tried to help. He love to make music, when I met him he was just making music and dreaming about his future, I wanted to help. I created a website for him, I bought him a book to read about it, I bought him software and many other little things. I was promoting his work until one day he said I was taking over. I was lost, I was just trying to help but he didnt want it anymore. He wanted to do everything on his own now that he didnt needed me anymore. I let it go. Another issues came up, financial situation was really bad, long distance we had was killing it too, then I got pregnant. I was always in pain and I couldnt go to the gym anymore. He was there for me but when I lost the baby it was like I lost him too. He used to tell me "baby, I miss you, I love you" etc. after that he wouldnt say it anymore. I had to ask him, he would say "yes, I love but do you I have to tell you that all the time" Something was going in wrong direction, I felt it, I tried to talk to him about it but he didnt see the problem. I was mentally destroyed after I lost the baby and I wanted to have him by my side but the only thing he was thinking about was the club (he missed it again) he wanted to go out and he said "he dont have fun anymore" I was scared to lose him. I wanted to have fun with him but I was sick. I wanted him to be there for me, instead of that he was trying to spend time with his friends. We spent nice 4 day weekend and next day when I got home, he wrote me an email saying that he love me and he still care but his heart is not there anymore. He couldnt give me what I need now and its best for both of us. I didnt reply to that email but after 5 days I called him. We got into big argument. 6 weeks later we was still talking through emails but he would never ask me how I do, he would just talk how good is doing now. He said I gave him a lot of support while he studied for school, a lot of support for music, he said I was a good girl but sometimes we have to let it go, why not be friends. I couldnt be a friend with someone who left me when I needed him and never ask me how I feel. He spoke to one of my friends (he just met) and told him everything about his private life (man bragging) he said he was messing with some girl now and all the things he used to say about me. He was going into details about sex with her .etc I was in pain, I still loved that man and I couldnt see him that way, talking bad about me even though I never did him wrong but the other female was the highlight, she did everything good in few weeks. Our relationship (8 months) was the longest for him, should I feel special? No, because he never loved me like he loved his ex (thats what I also found out in a hard way). Today I think he is one of those that like to be in love as long as there are no problems he can deal with it, he want someone to support him but never tell him her opinion. He didnt want to face the problems and help each other, it was too much for him (young man?) he just want to have fun I guess. Today I believe it was good that way because he really didnt love me like he said, he just liked me. Its not easy to give up on something where you put 100% but I had to. Its been 6 weeks now, since we are seperated and today is a first day that I feel good about myself. I know I didnt do anything wrong and I couldnt give more than I already did. He wasnt ready for relationship, he wasnt ready for problems. I'm not looking for anyone right now, I couldnt even imagine being with some other man now but the time will come and LIFE GOES ON.