Young man looking for advice
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| Sat, 11-27-2004 - 10:25pm |
Hello and thank you for taking a moment to read about my predicament and perhaps offer me some advice. Before I start, I will mention that I am a sixteen year old highschooler so some of this may appear as highschool drama to you. Unfortunately for me, it gets under my skin and generally makes me a little bit uneasy.
First let me tell you a little bit about some things you should know before I talk about my current problem. About two years back, I started seeing a girl (who we'll call Britney in this story) and it was the start of my first major relationship. And what a time it was, leading into highschool and everything. A lot of things happened between us, possibly things that shouldn't have at our young ages. However, we were impressionable and I suppose we figured it was the "thing to do". Now, let me just say that I formed a bond with this girl, a love. A deep love. A mad love. I cared about her to the end. And she did me until about half a year ago. So we broke up. I sulked about it because I really felt feelings so strong for her.
I waited for "Britney" to come back for months, allowing her the opportunity to run back into my arms knowing that I was probably one of the only guys her age not looking to just get into her pants.
About a month and a half ago, I finally decided that maybe I was just being a big baby about it and I should be like everyone else and just hop into another relationship. However, I actually care about people so when I began talking to a new girl (who we'll call Mary) I wasn't just interested in getting into her pants. So we begin to date and eventually become a couple. Then around a month after we're dating (the big teenage month anniversary woo), Britney comes back. She tells me about how she misses me and how I really was the only guy that cared about more than her body.
Well my head is spinning by now to say the least. I'm trying to finally go out and do my own thing, but my feelings for her are still very strong. I feel like I should go back to her while I fight myself to stay with Mary. It's a true struggle between heart and mind. And now, weeks later, we still talk almost every night. It's probably not good. Maybe not talking to her would've been a great idea, however since I have to see both of these girls everyday in school someone gets hurt and someone is reminded of it everyday.
There is a lot more to this too, perhaps I'll sound shallow when I say it. My current girlfriend, Mary, is at the top of her class. She is the epitome of perfect. And I believe she's earned it. I really think she's a beautiful, intelligent, awesome awesome girl. However, my old feelings are constantly on my mind tearing away at me. I keep trying to make a decision of which direction to go and I'm having an almost impossible time doing so. Britney is on my mind all the time, and I really have no clue how to get her out. I'm not even sure I want her out, maybe I just want to be back with her. I feel an emotional bind to her. She was my first love and I still feel those feelings for her as if nothing happened to begin with.
So the reason I sound shallow is, is that if I break it with Mary I appear like a huge jerk with no incentive for breaking up other than to hurt her/lead her on. People will say this too because they're still kids, who are immature of course. Hey, I know I am. It isn't true though. I'm not even sure I want to break up. I honestly have no clue what I want or what to do.
In the end, I hate having to see someone hurt and I really don't know who to do it to. Do I go back to Britney and almost practically keep it a secret to save face? Or do I stay with Mary, who I'm TRYING to have strong feelings for, but Britney is preventing my mind from acheiving it. I'm not quite clear on what to do or who to go to. It's mind vs heart. Perhaps highschool drama, but I'm not too young to know what eats away at my brain everyday. I know you probably can't tell me exactly what to do, but anything is something. Hope you can help me out.
Thanks a lot.

well, i can sort of empathize, because i'm young (18), and i've recently been dumped by MY first love.
if jon tried coming back to me right now, i would say no. although i love him so much, and part of me will ALWAYS love him, i couldn't do that to myself. if things didn't work out between you and "britney," why would it be different this time around? to me, it seems like britney got jealous when you started dating "mary." people are like that. they don't mind if they move on to other people, but they want the one they left behind to pine over them, and all sorts of nonsense. so when britney found out that you moved on to mary, she got jealous, and wanted to get you back. do NOT go back to britney. she broke your heart, and you waited for her for months. she had her chance to win you back.
if you still feel like you are in love with britney, then i don't recommend continuing a relationship with mary UNTIL you're completely over britney. that's not fair to mary, and it's too much stress for you.
so start implementing No Contact between you and britney. i know it hurts, it hurts a LOT, but you have to do what's best for you. britney has moved on, and it's high time that you move on as well.
and remember, just because you are in highschool, and you are experiencing "highschool drama" doesn't mean that your feelings are insignificant. you are a person, and you have emotions, and your emotions are not any less important than a 31-year-olds. so i commend you for being so open and honest about them.
good luck. someone, or even everyone may get hurt, but try to do what you feel in your heart is the best. hope i helped :)