Your progress

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Your progress
3
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 11:38am

Hi,

I just thought we can share our letting go progress. The way they do it on the "Loose weight" board where each member posts her losses periodically.
So I broke up with my Ex Nov. 21st that is 5-6 weeks ago. I m doing much better now. I dont feel the urge to breakdown and cry but I m still sad. I get few moments in the day where I m free of the sad thoughts but those are the exception.
I feel that when I go out with couples I mmost sad because I start to miss him. I also feel my whole day gets messed up when he calls/emails (we still have money issues pending) I asked him not to call just email but it is not any easier...
How about you? Did you start seing other people? Do you still cry over him? Do you still feel you can fix it if you were given another chance?
At what stage are you? and when did you breakup?

stay strong
J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
In reply to: juliara2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 1:00pm

hi,

i broke up w/my ex bf on Aug 13th. i must say i've come along way since then, i used to call him 50,000 times a day, constantly crying about the way our relationship was/is/could've been... i even slept w/him 3-4 times after our break-up, but through the support of this board, my friends and family; i conjured up enough strength to write/send him the "i'm sad its over, but don't regret it happend letter". today marked a whole week of NC. i didn't think that i would make it through the holidays w/out him but i did, shed a few tears but gained my composure and got over it.

there are times that i think about him during the day, and times when i want to break down and call him, but his life is not the same. he's in a relationship w/the girl he cheated on me with and i just don't feel right talking to him about anything now. i guess it would be different if both of us were single but were not. so in my times when my strength matters the most and i feel myself reaching for the phone, i use what is called a stop technique. immediately thinking about something else.

oh, well the healing continues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: juliara2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 5:16pm
It has been a little over three weeks after my breakup. I was in a relationship with someone for 6 years. He suddenly told me that he didn't feel like he could give me what I needed from this relationship. Bottom-line he didn't want to make a real commitment even though he said that he didn't doubt the fact that he loved me. I was devastated and I have to constantly resist the urge to contact him. I have good days and bad days. My feelings over the past couple of weeks have ranged from hurt to anger, despair, fear, and resentment. It's been an emotional roller coaster but as each day passes, I am determined to move on. I am not going to give him that much power over me. He so quickly and easily threw away a 6 year relationship and I am not going to put my life on hold for him anymore. I am quite sure he is over me and hadn't thought about me since the day he broke it off. This Christmas was my first without my father as he passed away last month. I thought that with the history I shared with this man that he would at least call to wish me a Merry Christmas and check to see how I was doing without my father. Nothing. Not a word. I was very hurt and disappointed. But I am not going to let him drag me down because he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. I will move forward. It is great to be able to get on these message boards and vent/rant and get advice from others that have been there. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: juliara2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 7:18pm

I broke up with my ex on Sept. 20. We were together for 8 years and I wanted to marry him and build a life with him. After years of this mutual talk, he decided he was unsure, so I ended it. I was very depressed and had anxiety attacks for weeks after. I couldn't eat, sleep or concentrate on anything. Three weeks later, I found out, he not on cheated, but he loved the other girl and promised to marry her also ( he was with her for 2 years). She didn't know about me. We confronted him at his apartment where he lashed out at both of us and tried to tell us both we weren't worth his time. He refused to apologize and said he was only sorry he didn't dump us first. That was Oct. 10th. I've hadn't had contact with him since.

I began dating other people soon after and began having fun again. I entered counseling, which has helped a great deal and began to expore new interests. In event, I began meeting new guys, going out and feeling desirable again.

Currently, I am seeing two guys and feeling really good. I had great holidays and I don't think about my ex as much. Yes, on occasion I feel a little sad (I had another anxiety attack just 2 weeks ago), because I miss being in a relationship, exchanging 'I love yous' and having someone, but I know this is not the right time for that anyway, as my heart is still healing.

My ex packed up and moved after Thanksgiving (he used to live across the street) and I'm thankful to be done with the whole mess. I know my heart will completely heal and I will find love again, but until then, I will have as much fun as possible.