Feel like my life is over...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2013
Feel like my life is over...
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 1:00am

First, I want to say I am in the process of getting an appt to see a professional, but I need to hear something from someone sooner.  I have never been so sad in my life.  I saw an earlier post of someone getting completely cut off from answering any calls or texts from her.  I am now in that same position...I am strong for 5 to 7 days, then in a desperate attempt call and or text him..no responses at all.  

He is a DJ and also sings.  Something I have always enjoyed is music... I can barely listen to it anymore because so many songs remind me of him.  On my way to work, I have to pass the exit he lives off of (the only other route is to pass right by his apartments.  Just seeing the exit sign throws me into my memories and depression, just like music.I

I am in a very dark place and see no -end in sight.  Somedays I feel like.."I'm gonna be just fine".  Then the nexy day I am a mess.  Please help me.  He is much older than me.  I am 48 and he is 67.  His breakup text to me basically said that he needs to be alone for a while and he needs to get his life together.  That was it...after two weeks of no responses at all from him, I found out that he actually was immediateky back with his ex-girlfriend (a woman closer to his age) after he sent me the breakup text.  It is so clear that I meant nothing to him, but I feel like I am borderline obsessed.  

He plays out at a few places on Tues, Fridays and Saturday's.  I have NEVER gone in to any of those places since he broke it off, so I am not completely crazy, but boy am I hurting really really bad.  Really, I am in deep and cannot bare the thought of never seeing him again.  I love him so much, at least that is what my heart is telling me.  I feel like it these sad feelings will never ever go away.  Please help me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 9:47am

I'm sorry you're hurting. I don't know how long you two dated, but breaking up with someone by texting is cowardly and cruel. Shows what type of man he is. A long time ago when Brad Pitt broke up with Gwyneth Paltrow, someone asked her how she got over it. She said, "Time and girlfriends." It's your grieving time, so let yourself grieve. Delete his number and don't call him again. A person who is willing to let you go even once just isn't that into you. When you are emotionally ready to be in a relationship again, remember to always choose wisely. Cut men loose quickly if they lack any of your major needs or possess dealbreakers.

In the meantime, think about your life and if you're living it in a way that you won't be devastated if a relationship breaks up. Do you keep up with your female friendships, even when you're dating? Do you have hobbies and interests that you participate in separate from a man? It's important to have a happy, fulfilling life without a man so that a new man can share your happiness with you, but not be the sole source of it. A man doesn't like to be the center of your universe. It's too much pressure and makes the breakup that much more upsetting if you don't have a life besides him. I'm not saying this is how you are, but just saying that if it happens to be, then these are things you can work on. After a while, if you're still not getting out of a funk, volunteer to help other people. Helping others will make you feel good about yourself and take your mind off of your own problems. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 10:27am

It's very normal to be sad after a relationship ends and everything has meaning.  there were certain songs I just couldn't listen to after I got divorced because the lyrics were too sad.  But the thing is that eventually the sadness does go away and you get on with life.  Your life can't be over just because your relationship breaks up.  I know you probably didn't mean it literally but you have to be pro-active and look for other things to do that make you happy.  Lean on your friends and family for support and seeing a professional is good too.  When I got divorced the 2nd time, which was my choice, I looked around and didn't really know what to do with myself because of course when you are married, most of the time is spent together.  I only had 2 single friends and one of them lives an hour away so my first plan was to find ways to meet more single women--I didn't even think about dating cause I figured it was more important to find friends so I joined some clubs and meetup groups.  Then I found something that I was really interested in learning--for me, it was ballroom dancing, but it could be anything, and from that I made a lot of new friends.  Now I'm at the point where I have a big group of friends and something to do every weekend.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 11:34am

You had a life before you met this guy, and now you go back to that life.  He was just a bump in the highway of life.....and you have to learn that your life is much much more than a man's interest and/or involvement.  You didn't say how long you'd been with this guy, but it doesn't matter.  It was probably a short time, because the previous g/f was waiting in the wings.....and now she's back. You need to get yourself busy with outside involvements.  There are all kinds of things you can do to keep yourself busy, AND meet new people, male and female, to spend your time with.  Look into taking classes at a community college.  Look for clubs of people who have similar interests......check out community service and/or volunteering at local hospitals or nursing homes.  You have your job to keep you busy during the day, but find something to fill your evenings and weekends.  Once you involve yourself in something that fun or interesting, you'll forget the DJ ever existed.  You'll realize that you don't need him or any other man in your life to have a good life.  And when you're in a "better place" you'll find someone who will be honest with you, and not take advantage of you or break your heart.  Life is often a series of dissapointments, but you know the routine:  Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again"!  (and yes, he was too old for you!  In another 10-15 years, you'll still be young, and you'll probably be changing diapers for and taking care of a senile old man!)  (I have a good friend who many years ago married a man 18 years older than her.  It was fine when she was 30 and he was 48.......now she's 72, he's 90, and doesn't know what day it is!!!  She's still in good health, and he can barely walk.....she is his full time nurse!)