He forced my decision

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
He forced my decision
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 11:25am

It has been two weeks since I broke things off with him. Of course I've been suffering, trying to fill up my time now that it's not all-consumed with him or thoughts of him.


I read a lot from women who were broken up with, but he was very undermining, argumentative, lacked enthusiasm for me, what I said, questioned my decisions (for my own life), gave me a hard time about my memories (he always found faul), etc. So he forced my decision, or I would have died. Even if my body would have continued to exist (and it has been the sickest year of my life) my person was dying a little each day.


A good friend also has decided not to call me anymore, so I am dealing with two losses.


My next move is to start taking ballroom dancing lessons on Tuesday nights for only $10. I remembered that I loved to read Amish romance novels, so I'm going to the library. I want to volunteer (finally) at a local soup kitchen. Maybe even be brave and finally take that painting class. It all sounds like a lot of work, but I feel I need to force myself into it.


My family lives 1200 miles away, but I'm not wanting to make that move. My son is in his 20's, and is still at home, but has his own life.


I guess I'm just venting and realizing that it is going to be painful. Some advice was to write each day for at least 15 minutes about the loss. Another was to get rid of all of his things (I'll put them in a box for now, then into the attic).


It's the loss of a dream, despite the abuse. He was very handsome, althletic. He seemed so charming. He was "on" for everyone else. There is no talking with him, because he never "got" me.


I try to think that I am doing this in an effort to 1. be me again, because I felt drained around him and 2. to be available when my real partner and soul mate appears.


If you watch "Say Yes to the Dress" you will notice that when the women talk about their beloved, it's with words like "he's my best friend" or "I feel so peaceful with him." That's what I am looking for. I haven't waited all of these years to settle!


thanks for letting me vent. I would welcome your comments!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 12:05pm
IMO, you did exactly right. You are smart enough to realize that "missing" him doesn't mean you should go back to him or that he's right for you. I think that's great!

You are also handling things the right way. Do those things you've always wanted to do! You'll be glad you did, not to mention that gets you out there meeting new people. You may not meet a new man right away, but it's great to have new friends! And those friends have brothers, cousins, co-workers, etc. so who knows what could happen.

I saw a post on Facebook that I'll have to edit for language, but in essence it says "The only thing I can do now that I'm single is whatever the (heck) I want!" I love that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 5:36pm

emmevonm, from what I understand, he didn't force your decision.    You made it all on your own and it was the right decision.   Take credit for having the self worth to leave something which wasn't suited to you.