sex with someone else after recent break up

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2013
sex with someone else after recent break up
Tue, 02-05-2013 - 7:34pm

me and my ex split up in October, after being together 4 years. I had an interesting couple of months getting over him with other people. I have since met someone I really can see my self being with long term. I think about the sexual things we will do together later. However, when later comes I freeze up and don't initiate anything and seem to hold back. 

I know he's not the rebound guy. but I'm not really sure what this block is that's happenening.  Once we get started the sex is fine, it's just that getting started that kind of sucks!

any advise on this for someone maybe have gone through the same thing? 

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 02-05-2013 - 8:46pm

"I know he's not the rebound guy."

Yes, he is. Your own hesitation to initate sex with him screams that. Do yourself a huge favor. Go solo until you heal your broken heart and find out who you are and what you want from life. Take this time to be solo and do it well. You aren't going to bandage yourself up by jumping right into the sack with another guy. A few months from now you may have a 2nd broken heart on top of the one you all ready have.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 02-06-2013 - 1:23pm

I agree with the other reply. He is another rebound guy. You were in a 4 year relationship and have only been single since October. Not really enough time to find yourself again. You do need to take a step back and be single for a while. I would not have much hope for the long term prospects of a relationship you start at this early stage of post relationship-ness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2002
Wed, 11-13-2013 - 4:17pm

While jumping into bed with someone may not be the way to go, I understand where you're coming from. Sometimes you need to feel desirable, especially when you didnt initiate the breakup.  You miss the passion and want to be held...I get it.  Im also in the process of trying to accept a relationship is over and move on. Though I haven't had sex with anyone else yet, I won't say I haven't thought about it.  Sometimes, the quickest way to move on to some is to find someone else to get over the ex, others have to heal on their own. It depends on you as a person. Not sure what the best advice to give is, but I do understand where you are coming from. Wishing you the best.