Can Someone Please Tell Me.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Can Someone Please Tell Me.....
6
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 2:40pm
Hi Everyone...

I am feeling so depressed today. Crying, upset stomach...the whole bit. Can someone please tell me why the break-up with XMM seems to be getting tougher rather than easier. I had ended our A (for about the 5th time), on July 24th. Since then, I did receive one e-mail from him, asking if we could remain "friends". I said OK. He then e-mailed back with a "friendly-type" of e-mail, and signed it: "With All My LOVE". I didn't respond. But 2 dyas later...Boy did I respond. I sent him the most cruel e-mail, filled with my feelings of how I felt about certain issues in our relationship. In my final paragraph, I told him that I did not want to be friends with him, carry on an emotional affair with him, or have anything to do with him EVER again. Never! I told him that his e-mail address has been blocked. My tone in that e-mail was very stern. Since that e-mail, which was on 8/3, I do believe that he has made a few "hang-up" type calls to my house. I can't prove it, but I think it may very well have been him. That would be right up his alley.

I'm just so down on myself. I am so mad at myself for saying some of the hurtful things that I did say in my e-mail. Did I mean them? Yes...but I should have gone about it in a different way or used a nicer "tone".

Why am I feeling worse now than I did initially? Any feedback would be very much appreciated. Thanks!

c_m

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 11:45pm
Hi there CM ,

I think the feelings you're having are possibly that you don't feel you have any closure just yet.

Do you feel you will want to contact him again ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Sun, 08-17-2003 - 8:02am
Good Morning, justbecuz...

Thanks very much for responding. In all honesty, yes, I have thought about contacting him...but haven't. One day I really want to...the next day I ask myself "what for"? I'm so darned confused. I just wish that the ending of our A would have been on nicer terms. I think that maybe I would have been able to get through this a little bit easier. The emotions are overwhelming...up and down...up and down. I can't seem to function in a normal capacity. I'm also snapping at my H...which is so unfair. Oh Dear God...why did I let myself get into this mess???

c_m

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 7:52am
CM, you got into this "mess" the same way we all did. The heart does not see a piece of paper. We fell in love with someone who is not available to accept and nourish that love the way we deserve. Your feelings are very valid. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Keep busy and move forward. Life will smoothe out little by little.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 8:13am
Good Morning, Mommyg...

Thanks very much for responding. Yes, I do agree with you...and what a "mess" it is! I am finding it a real challenge to do just the ordinary day-to-day stuff. Sometimes, I don't even do it. Like this morning, for example: I always do my food shopping on Monday mornings. However, this morning, I just can't seem to get moving. Don't feel like doing a darn thing. I am so angry. I just want this to all be over. Serves me right for falling in love with an unavailable man...which...I had no right to do, as I am married myself. Oh God...Why Do We Do This????????

c_m

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 2:01pm
Don't beat yourself up! We are allowed to get angry - it's a valid feeling. We feel betrayed. I don't think closure is necessarily any easier. NC is difficult no matter how the conversation went the last time you seen him or talked with him. Hang in there - things will get better and you'll feel better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 9:35am
christa, I know how you feel,but my A ended with MM saying he wanted to remain friends and that he couldn't give me what I deserve, etc. It ended on very good terms and sometimes I think that if he would have been mean to me I could get over him easier because I would be angry with him. He's just so damn nice! That's one of the reasons I want him back so badly. The NC is killing me and I'm also confused but we will get through this. Don't be so hard on yourself...you are human. We make mistakes and we just want to be loved and not abandoned.