Forgetting

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Forgetting
2
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 3:12pm
Yesterday, I was doing laundry and I paused as I realized I was holding my sweater that I wore on Wed night, the last time I saw my lover. It suddenly struck me how I will have no more connections to him like that. So casual.... my sweater is still in the laundry from when I last saw him, like he's still close by somehow. Like he is still part of my everyday routine.

These small things will fade, each connection to him will grow weak and dim, and that terrifies me. My husband has gone through the house and thrown away everything tied to him. I feel gutted, lost, and so alone. I have nothing to cling to. I am naked and shivering here. It's almost like I want to fight against forgetting, but it's the forgetting that will allow me to move on. I make no sense. Every time I run down one corridor of reasoning I am met at the end by a locked door. I am lost in the hallways of my thoughts.

I don't want to forget, and I don't want to remember. I just hurt.

Starry

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: starryjasmine
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 3:21pm
Give yourself time to heal. This will probably continue to hurt for a lot longer than you can imagine. It will not go away in a few weeks or a few months.

We are here for you. Everyone here has been in a similar situation and has felt the pain you are feeling. Read the posts from the last few weeks. Go into the archives and read older posts too. Don't be reluctant to lean on us as much as you need to.

Try this book:

http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm

It's a long hard road back to normalcy, but you will get there eventually and you'll be stronger when you arrive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
In reply to: starryjasmine
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 10:51pm
Thank you.....just reading all the posts helps so much. I have really been feeling like I am the only one who ever went through this. It helps me just to see how many people post on here.

I have heard of that book....I will look for it on Amazon......

Starry