Great e-book on NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Great e-book on NC
8
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 12:17am

Hi everyone

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 12:19am

On the suckiness of feeling rejected….(this is huge for me!)

Often the exAP has not rejected you on a personal level, but has rejected having to:

  • Communicate
  • Be emotionally available
  • Love unconditionally
  • Trust, empathise and put someone elses needs first
  • Be respectful
  • Be relied on
  • Be needed
  • Deliver on what they say
  • Committing
  • Not get things on their terms
  • Give something rather than collect ego-strokes
  • Be there after the thrill of the chase has gone.
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 12:22am

Booby traps for breaking NC and some ideas to handle it…

  • Feeling rejected
    • Turn it around - ask yourself what you are rejecting about HIM. We often know these relationships/people have issues but we ignore it. Chances are we would have rejected them ultimately anyway!
    • We don’t always want them, we just want them to want us!!!
    • Taking rejection hard may mean you internalize things too much. This is warped thinking, especially if you are feeling ‘rejected’ by someone who was never emotionally mature/connected or available anyway.
    • See above post on what they were actually rejecting.
    • Rejection can be minimized, but obsessing about feeling rejected can make it compounded!
    • Spend time on your self esteem and healthy choices. Over time, a more balanced perpective will start to come in anyway!
    • Focus on reality not the illusion
    • Knock him off that pedestal- he wasn’t bloody perfect!
    • Forgive yourself

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 12:23am

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 12:25am

How to remember him

  • Take everything you know and feel about him
  • Remove the potential that you thought he had
  • Remember how he was in the majority of the relationship
  • Take out the happy stuff ad remember that on another day when you don’t care anymore
  • Remember how you felt about you durng the relationship

Whats Left? - That’s How!

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 12:26am

If you break NC

  • Don’t beat yourself up about it.
  • Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. Reflect on why you did it, what you were hoping you would get out of it, what you thought would be different this time.
  • Develop strategies to help you avoid this situation next time

Get back on the wagon!!!

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Mon, 06-27-2011 - 2:28pm

Great, very helpful posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Mon, 06-27-2011 - 3:28pm
Wow. Great post. Might have to get the book.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 11:16am

This needs a bump for me!