I really think my OM is psychic.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
I really think my OM is psychic.....
3
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 9:46am
I have been feeling incredibly strong and clear-headed for the last week. Of course today I have a fierce argument with H, my two year old is cranky with a cold and I am sick and tired. I get to work today and what do I find but an e-mail from OM. Being a bit freaky today, I decide to open it. He says that he is sorry for making me think he fell off the face of the Earth (never entered my mind, I could only wish) but he has been out of town and will be for another 3 weeks. He wonders if I would like to join him for a few days? I would like nothing better than to pack my bag and run away from home...but then I am brought back to reality....the screaming two year old, the late bills, the messy house, the filled to the brim in-box on my desk, the husband who refuses to discuss anything that is not all sunshine and happiness....is it any wonder I want to run away...but it is my reality and the life I have chosen for the time being. It is no wonder that my OM....a single, childless, attractive, career man...and I can not relate to each other in more than a physical way most of the time!! Oh I do feel better having rambled this out into read-able words!! Thanks for being here with me (even though I wouldn't wish any of this on anyone)!!!

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 1:56pm
Karry, though I've never been exactly where you are (GB was married w/2 kids, I am attached with 1 son) I know what it's like to feel trapped by the sick child, the mountain of bills, the feeling ill myself, and wanting to escape from it all (maybe even with GB at one time).

The only real suggestion I have for a temporary solution is definitely short-term but it helps!! Leave the child with Daddy or wait until after she's asleep. Take a few candles and a glass of iced-tea or wine into the bathroom with you. Run a nice warm bath with bubbles!! Oh, and don't forget the book if reading helps you to relax! Then, take a mini vacation just for you!! Just relax and forget all about all the pressing issues in your life. Take this time to think of nothing but you and your book.

Hey, it can do wonders for the body and the soul!!

~Chris~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 4:19pm
Wow Karry,

I can so relate - but what you have written is such a vital fundamental concept of an affair - it's an ESCAPE from reality. Yes - it's also why you and the OM can't find a lot of common ground to talk about at times... but, IMHO, the MORE important lesson here is that it's not about HIM or about sex or anything else - it's about not wanting to deal with the not-always-perfect life we live...

I wanted nothing more than to hop into the XMM's car last week and just forget my entire life... but I think we BOTH realize that it only makes things worse in the long run.

The worse things feel at home (like when the kids are sick, the dustbunnies are breeding under the beds , H is being a stubborn a**, and the bills are piling up) the easier it is to want to escape it all. On the other hand, the more we work on making our lives at home better (and this goes for single OR married), the more we can deal with "glitches" without turning to the OM as escape, even in our minds...

JMHO

Glinda

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 4:47pm
I've been thinking about this a lot lately...I hear men say they like being married yet they hang out w/their friends at the golf course, in bars, leaving their wives at home to watch the kids. HEY, maybe that's WHY they like being married....yet I have a very dear friend that says she loves her husband and her life but if this marriage ever ended, she'd never get married again. One husband has been enough for her.

My conclusion is men grow up knowing what marriage will be like. They see their fathers, uncles, etc., do the father thing, work, come home, work in the yard and go to the club or the bar or the lodge, whatever to get away. Women grow up watching too many Meg Ryan movies and we get this expectation that it's supposed to be romantic, fun, whatever...but the reality for women is we deal w/the dust bunnies. We deal w/the sick kids. We deal w/dinner, groceries, vacuuming, b'day parties, his mother's b'day, etc. We do this while working full-time jobs or while staying at home. Men don't watch those movies, well, they don't by choice...so they've grown up with a more realistic viewpoint of married life than us. So when they are married, they like being taken care of, knowing that security is there. I think my XMM worried that if we did leave our spouses for one another, what if it didn't work? What if it was like his current marriage? Often times, the devil we know is preferable to the unknown. Not that his wife is a devil...but you know what I mean.