Laughter is healing too. :)

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Laughter is healing too. :)
8
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 4:35pm

For Clairbear - and her part of the state:

You know you're from Massachusetts if:

  • Khakis are something you start the car with
  • You think crosswalks are for wimps
  • You think if someone's nice to you, they either want something or they are from out of town and probably lost
  • You know how to cross 4 lanes of traffic in 5 seconds
  • You think it's not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you
  • You know that a yellow light means at least 5 more cars can get through ... and that a red light means 2 more can
  • A Crown Victoria = Undercover Cop
  • The transportation system is known as the "T"
  • Subway is a fast food place
  • You could own a small town in Iowa for the cost of your house
  • There are 24 Dunkin Donuts shops within 15 minutes of your house
  • When people talk about the "curse of the Bambino," you know exactly what they are talking about, and you believe in it, too
  • You think of Rhode Island as the "deep South"
  • Anything past Worcester is "the middle of nowhere" (if you live in Boston)
  • You believe using a turn signal gives away your plan to the enemy
  • If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have 3 or more different names
  • Someone has honked at you because you didn't peel out the second the light turned green
  • You've honked at someone because they didn't peel out the second the light turned green
  • All the potholes just add excitement to your driving experience
  • Stop signs mean slow down a little, but only if you feel like it
  • Six inches of snow is considered a "dusting"
  • Three days of 90+ heat is definitely a "heat wave" ... and 63° weather is "on the warm side"
  • $15 to park is a bargain
  • You cringe every time you hear some actor/actress imitate the "Boston accent" on TV or in a movie.
    If you don't have it, you're never going to get it right ... even if you were born here
  • At the ice cream shop, you call chocolate sprinkles "Jimmies"



And for those of us from the better part of the state (LOL):

You know you're from Western Mass. if:

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 2:29pm

Hilarious!


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 8:33pm

Too funny!

I'll add something for those of us Chi-area people!

You know you're from Chicago when:

-You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois. You become irate at people who do
-You measure distance in minutes (especially "from the city"). And you swear everything is pretty much 15 minutes away
-You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines"
-Your school classes were canceled because of cold
-Your school classes were canceled because of heat
-You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day
-You carry jumper cables in your car
-You drink "pop."
-You understand that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads
-You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan, and the Edens but you call them all "expressways"
-You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois"
-You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake"
-You refer to Chicago as "The City"
-"The Super Bowl" refers to one specific game in a series of 35 played in January of 1986
-No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago
-You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers!
-You buy "The Trib"
-You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car!
-You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog
-You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is
-You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City"
-You understand what "lake-effect" means
-You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at. You have ridden the "L"
-You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847,630,773,708, 312, & 815
-You have at some time in your life, used your furniture to guard your parking spot in winter. (CHICAGO CLASSIC!!)
-You respond to the question "Where are you from" with a side" example:"WEST SIDE", "SOUTH SIDE" or\"NORTHSIDE."
-You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet!
-You expect corruption in politics

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2011
Sat, 07-09-2011 - 6:46pm

Love this thread - here is my contribution:


Subject: Writing assignment

Here's a prime example of 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' offered
by an English professor from the University of Phoenix .

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 10:07am
The guy asked his buddy, "What's wrong? You look down."

"I'm just depressed, I guess," said his buddy.

"Cheer up!" the guy said.
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 12:03pm

LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER
Memory was something you lost with Age.... An Application was for Employment.... A program was a TV show.... A Cursor used profanity... A Keyboard was a piano... A Web was a spider's home... A Virus was the Flu.. A Hard Drive was a long trip on the road..... A Mouse was something the Cat chased.... And if you had a " 3 INCH FLOPPY..YOU just hoped NOBODY found out.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 12:04pm
This is one of THE funniest things I've ever read.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 12:56pm

MY LIVING WILL
Last night, one of my best friends and I were sitting in my living room and
I said to her, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine. She's such a bitch.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2011
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 4:14pm

Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless)
Read it all the way through! It's a good laugh! AND really quite true!!
A good laugh for people in the over 50 group !!!

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot."
P.S. I know some of you are not over 50. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are.


We senior citizens don't need anymore gadgets. The tv remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle.