Newbie to the Board - maybe you can help
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|Wed, 04-16-2003 - 2:38pm|
I've lurked here the last few days and finally got the nerve up to post. I've never done this before and am so amazed at how many people are willing to help someone they don't even know! I hope you might be able to clear some confusion for me. This is long, but I'd really appreciate the feedback.
My story - my good friend, "J", of 5 years came on to me last fall. I don't think I am mistaken (I think asking someone out alone for a drink, then suggesting he'd like to get to know me more than just friends is pretty obvious.) J. is married, I am single. I am also in my late 40's, he's in his early 50's. I have also been alone for some time, having my last long term relationship end about a year and a half ago. I was shocked at my own reaction to this - I actually felt attracted to J. and was extremely flattered at his attention. I really had not had that kind of male attention for awhile and as insecure as this sounds, really felt at 48 years old, I was kind of "over the hill" in that department - I know, I know, this is my perception of me, not what is really the case.
I did not let the situation go any farther, because I was afraid of ramifications with family, mutual friends, and to be honest, after reading so many of your postings, the hurt and pain I might subject myself to. J. became distant, almost as if nothing had happened - instead of a friendship, he acted like we were polite aquaintances.
I still had feelings for him, but didn't know what to say - I just didn't have the nerve to talk to him because I was afraid of being "rejected" in my attempt.
Now, I feel the friendship was a sham, that for some reason, he used it as a jumping off point to try to get more intimate with me. I also feel disregarded, and as much as this is going to sound ridiculous, I actually found myself envying some of you who post that your XMM keep trying to contact you, get back together with you, etc. I realize too, how much pain you've been through, but I guess where I am now, feeling rejected, I almost would welcome that attempt at least to show he felt something for me.
The one thing this did show me in some backhanded way, is that I may still be attractive to the opposite sex. And there's another part of me that wants to get back out there and date, but seems held back by this experience.
My questions are - did I do the right thing by not getting involved, even though this hurts? Did any of you single ladies (and guys) find that getting out just to date helped your sense of self-esteem after your A ended? And finally, 48's not too old to start over is it? (winks, but could use the boost!) I really thank you all in advance!